


Second Chances

by HelenRichardson



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, F/M, Forgiveness, Found Family, Not Gone AU, Past Abuse, So be wary of that, in which pink diamond attempts to fix all of her mistakes, otherwise there isn't any violence, parallels to mental illness, specifically depression, there's one scene where someone breaks his arm and it's a little gnarly, very little romance lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenRichardson/pseuds/HelenRichardson
Summary: Ok but what if when White Diamond tore Steven apart in Change Your Mind, Pink Diamond came back?My take on the Not Gone AU, which was started by Black_Bees_ on Instagram.
Relationships: Bismuth/Pearl (Steven Universe) - Implied, Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe) - Implied, Pearl/Pink Diamond (Steven Universe), Pink Diamond/Greg Universe
Comments: 21
Kudos: 95





	1. A Tearful Reunion for All the Wrong Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> [Black_Bees_ ](https://www.instagram.com/black_bees_/) on instagram is the creator of this au. I give them full credit for the idea, please check out their art! Check out [this post](https://www.instagram.com/p/CABMOT2pG4A/) for the au origins and [this one](https://www.instagram.com/p/B_9Ip6sJAPZ/) for their Pink Diamond redesign!

For a long, long, time, she knew only darkness.

Barely conscious, she had no sense of space and only the loosest sense of time. She was a disconnected cluster of thoughts that came slowly, thoughts she could barely put into words. For those fourteen long years, all she knew was that something had gone wrong. She still existed. She wasn’t  _ supposed _ to exist, she was sure of that. But the whys and the hows were beyond her, so she contented herself with the knowledge that she could feel  _ him _ . He was alive, and that was what mattered. She could relax and let what was left of her drift away, knowing that he existed.

And then one day there came a terrible pain. A ripping sensation, as if someone had sewn her to a stone and was now tearing her away, thread by aching thread. She could not scream. She could not resist. She could only panic as her soul was forced back to consciousness, mind forced back to existence, filling with thoughts and memories so quickly she thought it’d burst. And after it was finally done, after every thread tying herself to him had snapped, she found herself hanging in open air.

Her gem hung in empty space as she tried desperately to process her thoughts. She  _ was _ . Tendrils of light were already reaching outwards, trying to take shape after so many years. She was a diamond. She was Rose Quartz. Almost reflexively she felt herself try to take his form, having been tied to him for so long. But she was not him; she was something old and new, something alive and something that should not be.

Pink Diamond opened her eyes.

“Ah, there you are, Pink.” White diamond was looming over her. Pink remembered her, now. Thousands of years of memories came flooding into the forefront of her mind and the only thing she could think was  _ oh, oh no. _

Her voice was deceptively soothing, but Pink could almost taste the venom in it. This, too, she knew. Recognized. As White took in her new form, Pink realized she felt terribly cold. The snake-like smile above her warped itself into a frown. “What are you doing? Why do you look like this?”

“I’m being better.” The words sounded distant in her ears. She felt her feet touch the cold floor of White’s ship, but that, too, felt disconnected. There was something wrong. Something building up inside of her. Thoughts were flying by faster than light and she could comprehend but not feel them.

“What did you say?” Irritation. Also familiar. “Answer me!”

Something snapped inside of her. Her thoughts were suddenly loud in her ears, pounding against her from the inside, beating themselves into her head. They forced her fully back into herself, forced her to  _ feel _ , and Pink found that all that was left for her was anger.

“I’M BEING BETTER THAN YOU!” 

The floor underneath her cracked and gave way, cratering beneath her. Anger, resentment, hatreddisgustrepulsionfrustrationrage. What had she  _ done _ ?

“M-Mom?”

And just as quickly, everything inside of her fell silent. She had things now that mattered more than herself. Pink Diamond whipped her head around. There was Steven, every bit as amazing as she had imagined all those years ago. This was her son! The fact that he existed was almost enough to make her cry with happiness.

But any joy she might have felt was short lived. The only reason he was standing was because he was in the arms of his human friend. What had her name been? She was holding him up. Pink watched as Steven looked down at his stomach, pulling his shirt up to reveal nothing. He looked back up at her, hand shaking, skin pale.

“Steven?” It came out as a gasp. “Oh, Steven!” She began to run to him, eyes brimming with tears.

“Pink! You will stop this instant and look at me!” Pink barely heard White. Had the ship always been so big? 

“Don’t you dare take one more step!” This time, Pink registered the threat in White’s voice. She stopped dead in her tracks and whipped around just in time to see white light brewing in her eyes. Before she even realized what she was doing, a barrier had materialized in front of her, just in time to deflect White’s blow. She blinked at it in shock before letting it dispel, revealing White again. She was furious – more furious than Pink had ever seen her but Pink found that she did not care. A freeing thought, and one for another time. 

“Oh, you little-” Pink saw the light brewing again and instinctively threw up another shield. White’s beam bounced off of it, harmless. When she let it dispel a second time, it looked as if White was going to explode.

“How dare you raise your shield at me? I’m just trying to help you be yourself!” Something was different this time; Pink glanced around and saw that White’s light was brewing in the eyes of every other gem in the room. All of them were washed out and devoid of colour. “If you won’t do that then I’ll  _ do it for you!” _

The shield was around her an instant before the barrage hit. Through it she could see the crystal gems, Blue and Yellow, her first Pearl...all of them lifeless and colourless. And she saw Steven, scared and clinging to his human friend. This time when the anger came it was not just for her. It burned ice-cold and built to a crescendo, and Pink let it go. Force slammed out into her shield, shattering it into pieces and toppling White. When she opened her eyes, she, Steven, and his friend were the only ones standing.

“Stop!” Steven called out to her, eyes brimming with tears. “You’re hurting them!” He reached out a shaking hand to the crystal gems. Pink forced her cold anger down, made it go  _ away _ , and ran to him, gathering him up into her arms. 

“Steven! I’m sorry, I had to do  _ something _ .” She couldn’t help but smile. “You’re here! Oh, you have no idea how much I wanted to see you before I left, I-” she frowned, looked down at herself, at her  _ gem. _ The reality of her existence – and what that meant for him – hit again. “I shouldn’t be here. Oh Steven, I’m so sorry.” Distantly, she felt her knees hit the floor. “I never wanted this, I...I shouldn’t have left things the way they were. I should have known she would try something like this. Maybe if I had-...And now you’re-”

Steven smiled weakly up at her. “It’s okay, mom,” he said, and Pink began to cry. Mixed in with the grief, she realized a familiar magic was beginning to well up inside of her. She let it flow. The tears splashed onto Steven, and through her blurred vision Pink could see a bit of the colour returning to his face. Eventually his shaking stopped, and he stared up at her with awe.

“You healed me,” he said as Pink wiped her eyes. He glanced down at his arms in amazement, then pulled up the hem of his shirt. His stomach was still bare, and Pink thought she saw a bit of disappointment flash across his face. It was gone before she could be sure, though. 

From out of the corner of her vision Pink saw White stir from the floor. Gently, she put Steven down onto the ground. “I think I need to talk to White now,” she said. She glanced at Steven’s human friend and felt something tickle the edges of her mind, like a memory of a dream. “Connie. You and Steven stay back from this. Go over there.” She pointed over her shoulder to where she knew the connection hatch to her ship was. “I’m going to try to get us all out of here.”

Connie’s eyes were wide and shimmering. “Yes ma'am,” she whispered. Pink nodded at her and turned back to White. She approached her warily, feeling that ice-cold anger build in her again until she was standing directly in front of White and fuming so much she thought she might explode. 

White, on the other hand, seemed shaken.

“What was that?” she demanded. “Pink? Pink, you-”

“How dare you.” The words were frozen and lifeless, and enough to stop White in her tracks. 

“What?”

“HOW. DARE. YOU?” Pink screamed, feeling her face flush. She saw White’s eyes widen, saw her push herself up and back, but Pink didn’t care. “How dare you tear me away from him? How DARE you take away everything I ever wanted? I  _ chose _ to give my gem to him, and you ruined everything! All I wanted was to give my son the kind of love you never gave me, the chances that I never had, and you have the nerve, the  _ audacity _ to take that away from me? To take half of the life away from my  _ son? _ I-” she sucked in a big breath. “How could you do that? I am  _ ashamed _ to say I know you.  _ I hate that you’re my family! _ ” 

Spots of colour bloomed on White’s cheeks. Pink let her anger die down enough to register surprise as White’s entire face flushed pink. White noticed her expression. Her eyes caught something over Pink’s shoulder and she gasped, glancing wildly around at the other gems.

“What’s wrong with them? They’re...they’re turning  _ pink _ .” She was growing more and more frantic with each word. “But I’m in control, so, so that must mean that- No!”

White put her hands up to her face and squeezed her eyes shut. All at once, the other gems in the room slumped over, like the strings holding them upright had been cut. The colour began to flow back into them. Steven and Connie run over to the crystal gems, unable to contain their delight. 

She watched their joyful reunion out of the corner of her eye. Three gems burst through the ship, running over to Steven and laughing when they realized they were too late to fight anyone.

Pink turned back to White. Yellow and Blue were on either side of her, staring with mouths open. White had sunk down to her knees and was staring at her own hands.

“I don’t understand,” she said. “I’m not supposed to be...this isn’t how it’s supposed to-”

“Listen to me, White,” Pink cut her off. “I’m leaving.”

White tore her eyes away from her hands and stared at Pink. “What? But you-” she glanced wildly at Blue and Yellow. “You can’t leave! I-, we just got you back, and-”

“I,” Pink said, “can do whatever I want. You brought me back against my will. You have no say in who I am anymore. And I want nothing to do with  _ you _ .” She glanced towards the connection hatch, where Steven and Connie had gathered everyone, even her first Pearl. Pink bit back a flood of thoughts – there would be time for that later – and turned to White. “I am returning to Earth with my real family, and then I am going to spend every moment of what’s left of this life fighting you, fighting  _ this _ .” She gestured towards the front of the ship, back out towards Homeworld. “If you have a problem with that, you can shatter me yourself.”

White gasped and shrunk back. “I would never-” she started to say, but Pink turned away before she could finish. She nodded at Blue and Yellow as she left, but the gesture might have been lost on them. As she made her way over to the crystal gems, she felt her face break into just a hint of a smile. When she reached the connection hatch she placed her hand onto a panel on the ground. It chimed as it unlocked. The trapdoor looked perfectly pristine, but the mechanics made a grating sound as it opened.

“This leads to my ship,” she said. “Hurry, before White comes to her senses.” 

The crystal gems all began to file into the hatch, staring at her with wide eyes as they went. Pink did her best to fight down a flush of embarrassment as she ushered them inside, keeping half an eye on White as she went. She was the last to step through.

“Pink!” White called out, more than a hint of desperation in her voice. “Wait!” Pink ignored her and began to lower herself inside. 

“Pink!” White called out again. “I’m sorry!”

“You’re  _ sorry _ ?” Pink said, suppressing something dangerously close to a snarl. “Prove it.” She slammed the hatch down, shutting herself off from the diamonds, at least for the time being.

The instant the hatch closed, Pink made a beeline for the control room. “Pearl!” she called out over her shoulder. “Will you help me start this thing?” 

She ran the rest of the way to the control room without looking behind her. The main panel chirped to life at her touch, but after staring blankly for a few seconds she sighed and turned back to the doorway. “I’ve forgotten how to set autopilot,” she said. “Will you-”

Standing just inside the doorway were both of her pearls, staring at each other with surprise. Pink slapped her forehead, startling both of them and drawing their eyes to her. “I didn’t even think about this. Pearl,” she gestured towards her first pearl, “meet Pearl. And Pearl, well, you know.” She waved her hand in frustration. “We’ll have to figure out naming later. Will one of you help me with the autopilot?”

The Pearls looked at each other again, before her first Pearl, the pink one, stepped forwards. Pink tried to suppress a wince at her cracked eye. “I’ll do it, My Diamond,” she said. “Where are we going?”

“To the garden.” Pink Pearl nodded and joined her at the control panel. It took her all of fifteen seconds to program the course, and soon they were leaving Homeworld behind. Pink turned around, to face both Pearls at once. “Well,” she said, clearing her throat, “I, um...”

“You’re really back.” It came from the newer Pearl, the crystal gem. As Pink watched, she took a step forward, staring at Pink with barely-concealed awe. “I can’t believe it.”

She had changed a lot since Pink had last seen her. Yes, she had traded in the sheer skirt for a turquoise jacket, but what Pink really noticed was how she stood taller, walked with more purpose. It felt like she was home within herself.

Pink frowned and remembered Steven’s face from before, when she had held him in her arms. “I can’t believe it either.”

“Um.” the voice came from right in front of her, and Pink turned her attention back to pink Pearl. She was looking up at Pink, unconsciously biting her lip. “My Diamond, um, if I may ask, well, I...I don’t understand what’s happening.” She shuffled one foot behind the other. “We were in White Diamond’s chambers, and then all of a sudden we were on her ship…” she looked up at Pink with a wide eye, forehead creased with worry and confusion.

“Oh, dear,” Pink said. “You don’t remember anything past that day?” 

“N-no?” Fear and uncertainty creased pink Pearl’s forehead. “You mean- how long has it been since then, My Diamond?”

Pink Diamond sighed. “About eight thousand years.”

“Eight thousand?” Pink Pearl took a step back. “I- oh stars, that’s a lot.”

“It is,” she said. “There’s a lot I need to catch you up on.” She turned back to crystal gem Pearl. “Pearl, would you leave us alone for the next little bit?”

Crystal gem Pearl’s eyes darted to pink Pearl, then back to Pink. “Of course,” she said. “I’ll tell the others that you’re busy.”

“Thank you, Pearl,” Pink said. “Please tell them that I’ll be out soon, and we can talk then.” Crystal gem Pearl nodded and turned away, leaving the control room.

Pink thought for a moment, then sat down. “Pearl,” she began. She tried to find words, but none came. For a long moment silence hung heavy in the air.

“My Diamond?” Pink Pearl stood at attention as she was supposed to, but her face betrayed her concern.

“Don’t call me that,” Pink said. “Please. Just Pink is fine.”

Pearl hesitated for a moment, then nodded quickly in an attempt to hide her confusion. “Of course, Pink.”

Pink let out a breath of air. “Um,” she said, “Like I said, I have a lot to tell you.” She motioned for pink Pearl to sit down beside her. Pink Pearl hesitated for a moment but complied, crossing one leg over the other. Pink smiled at that – it was so familiar – before bringing herself back to reality. “The last thing you remember was White telling me that I wasn’t fit to have you?” Pink Pearl nodded, and Pink winced. “Well then. I guess I should start with what happened after that.” 

When she had finished telling the story, pink Pearl’s mouth hung open. “Stars,” she said finally, after a long moment of silence. “That’s...a lot to take in.” She twisted her hands together. “So I spent all that time under her control. And you were gone? You stopped existing?”

“Almost,” Pink said. “I still existed, but just barely.” She frowned to herself. “I don’t know why...it should have worked.” She straightened her shoulders and turned back to pink Pearl. “Well, it doesn’t matter how I still existed, because I did, and then White tore me out.” She grimaced. “I would say I can’t believe she did that, but unfortunately I can.” 

Pink Pearl stared at her own hands. “Well, it isn’t all bad. You set me free. Who knows how long I would have been White’s otherwise.” She looked up at Pink, her cracked skin hard and glossy, her single remaining eye so full of hope. Pink tasted something bitter in the back of her mouth.

“Yes, well,” she swallowed, hard. “Making up for one of my many mistakes.”

“My- Pink?” Pink Pearl asked. The concern in her voice was so genuine, so unassuming, Pink had to turn away. 

She put her head in her hands. “I’m sorry, Pearl. I’m so, so sorry. I’m the reason she took you in the first place. You deserved better than this.”

“I, um.” Pink could hear the confusion in Pearl’s voice. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have been in the way.”

“No!  _ I’m _ the one at fault here.” Pink said. “You did  _ nothing _ wrong, and I ruined your life because I was being irresponsible and stupid. I hurt you. There’s no excuse for that, even if I am a diamond. And then I ran away like a coward, leaving you to erode on Homeworld. The only reason you’re here right now is because I was literally forced back to life against my will.” Literally forced to confront her mistakes. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “You deserved better. I’m sorry.”

When she opened her eyes again, pink Pearl was staring at her. There was something unreadable in her eye.

“I’m…” she hesitated. “I don’t know...I have a lot to think about. May I…”

“You don’t need to ask me for permission, Pearl,” Pink said. “I don’t own you anymore. Please, do whatever you need to.”

“Oh.” Pink pearl put a hand to her face. “Right.” She turned away from Pink, lost in her own thoughts. Pink didn’t blame her. She slipped out the door quietly, leaving pink Pearl staring out a window, tracing a hand slowly over her cracked face.

As she walked back up to the connection chamber, Pink heard a loud, chaotic clamoring of voices. It seemed everyone was talking at once. But as the doors to the chamber slid open the room fell silent. Pink looked down at the half-dozen-plus faces, all staring up at her. Wide eyes and uncertain lips. She felt her cheeks flush involuntarily.

“Hello, everyone.”

They were looking at her with recognition. But that made sense; they must have known that she was Rose. How else would White have known?

Steven was the first one to speak. “Hi, mom.” He was playing with the hem of his t-shirt. The instant his eyes met hers, he looked away shyly.

Pearl stepped forwards and took Pink’s hands in hers. “Welcome back.” 

“So,” Amethyst spoke up. She was leaning against the wall, grinning. “What do we call you now? Rose? Pink? My shimmering, glistening Diamond?”

Pink laughed, then frowned again. “I guess Pink is fine. I don’t really know.”

“Pink Diamond.” Garnet had her arms crossed. She regarded her, and Pink couldn’t quite place the expression on her face. 

“Wow,” a high-pitched voice cut through the tension in the room. “Four diamonds in one day. That’s gotta be a record, don’t you think, Lapis?” A small green gem floated up to her, levitating on what Pink thought was a trash can lid. As Pink watched, she floated over and put a hand on her chest proudly. “I’m Peridot,” she announced. “And this is Lapis.” She pointed back towards the corner, where a thin blue gem was leaning against the wall. Her arms were crossed, and she regarded Pink with an emotionless stare.

“You’re the reason I got stuck on Earth, all those thousands of years ago,” she said, with enough coldness in her voice to make Pink feel like shivering. She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything Lapis cut her off. “I’m glad you did.” She glanced at Peridot and smiled. “The company there is better.”

Pink smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you both,” she said. 

From the corner, someone cleared their throat. Pink looked over the gathered gems’ heads and found herself facing Bismuth. She was staring at Pink coldly.

Something caught in her chest. “I owe all of you an apology,” she said. “I-”

“Pink?” Pink Pearl poked her head through the door. “We will be arriving at the garden shortly.”

“Thank you, Pearl.” Pink shook her head and then straightened her shoulders. “Forgive me. We can talk in a moment. But first there is something I need to do.” 

The garden looked terrible. It was a run down, overgrown shadow of the place it had once been. Pink felt something heavy settle in the pit of her stomach when she saw it. Pearl had barely landed the ship before she jumped off, sprinting towards the main path. And there was Spinel, right where she had left her. 

She looked like a children’s toy that had been left outside to decay. Her once perfect hair had come loose, and she was covered in dirt and scratches. As Spinel saw Pink her eyes widened, then lit up with unbridled joy. “Pink!” She called out. She bent her knees as if to leap into Pink’s arms, then stopped and looked down at her feet. To her horror, Pink realized that roots had grown over them, twining themselves up her ankles. She put a hand over her mouth, choking on the guilt that clogged her throat.

“Pink?” Spinel looked at her questioningly. “Is everything all right? Did I do it wrong?”

Pink shook her head, feeling tears spill out from her eyes. “No, Spinel,” she choked out. “You did perfectly.” She held out her hand, and Spinel leapt to grab it. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said. She wiped at her eyes and kneeled down to look at her. “I should have never left you for so long.”

Spinel gave a tentative smile. “But you’re back now, right?”

“Yes. Spinel. We need to talk. But we should leave now. Will you come with me?”

“Of course.” Spinel bounced up and down. She seemed to fall back into her goofy old self so quickly, but Pink noticed a stiffness to her that hadn’t been there before. “Where are we going?”

“Remember Earth?” Pink’s heart ached when she saw how Spinel’s eyes lit up. “We’re going there.” She and Spinel began to walk back to the ship together. Spinel’s hand was light in hers, but it made her own hand feel heavy and dirty. Pink tried to push away thoughts of Spinel and what she’d say to her, but that just made room for thoughts of the people on board. When she came back on board, they’d all be staring at her. And Bismuth. Garnet. She swallowed down the lump in her throat. There was so much to make up for. So much to fix. But for now, she just needed to get back on board, get back to Earth. Maybe for the moment she would feel better if she just focused on that.


	2. The Things That Can't Be Fixed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The working title for this chapter was "Wuh Oh My Actions Have Consequences"

Pink and Spinel entered the main area to nine confused expressions. Only the pearls had a hint of recognition on their faces as they saw Spinel, but they had no better idea of what was going on than anyone else. Pink straightened her shoulders and cleared her throat. “Everyone, meet Spinel.”

Spinel surveyed them curiously. Her eyes landed on pink Pearl. “Oh, hi Pearl! I remember you.” She bounced over and gave her a signature Spinel hug, wrapping her arms around her several times. “I haven’t seen you in a looonng time. Not since Pink knocked your head and White took you away from her.” Pink cringed away at that, but Spinel didn’t seem to notice. She peered around Pearl’s shoulders and caught sight of crystal gem Pearl. “Oh! Hi Pearl! You’re both here. She stretched out one of her arms and pulled the other Pearl into the embrace. “It’s good to be back,” she said after a moment, letting them both go. 

Both Pearls looked completely nonplussed. “Um, hi Spinel,” pink Pearl eventually said. “It’s nice to see you again. Did Pink rescue you too?” 

“No,” Pink cut in before Spinel could answer. “It’s...complicated.”

“It is?” Spinel leapt back over to Pink. “Ooh! Tell me about it!”

“I’d like an explanation, too,” Peridot said. “I’ve never heard of a Spinel before. Is it a first era thing?”

“Well, um,” Pink fumbled with her words. “Spinel was given to me by the diamonds a long time ago. As a playmate. Before I was given the Earth.”

“Oh! I know this part!” Spinel said. “We were best friends. Then, after Pink got the Earth, she and I played a very long game where I stood in our garden and she went off to Earth, and then she came and got me!”

Garnet was staring daggers into her. She got it. “Why don’t we leave Pink and her Spinel alone for a bit,” she spoke up. “I think they have some things they need to talk about.” Pink sent her a thankful glance as everyone filed out of the room, but if Garnet saw, she didn’t respond.

After the last person had left and the doors had slid shut, Pink let out an exhausted sigh and sat down. She could feel the shame burning on her cheeks. By now, Garnet would be explaining to anyone who didn’t understand. What would they all think of her?

“I’m a fool,” she said out loud, and put her head in her knees.

She could hear a familiar squeaking sound as Spinel jumped around her. “What’s wrong, Pink?” she asked. “Everything’s good now. You’re back with your best friend.”

Pink fought back tears. “I’m not your best friend, Spinel.”

The squeaking stopped abruptly; when she raised her head Spinel had stopped mid-leap. “What?”

“I didn’t treat you like you should treat a friend. I was very, very cruel to you, and you deserve something better than that.”

Spinel slowly lowered her foot to the floor. “Whaddaya mean?” 

Pink sighed and leaned back. Time to get it over with. “Here’s what happened.”

When she was done, Spinel was silent for a long, tense moment.

“So you left me,” she finally said.

Pink squeezed her eyes shut. “Yes.”

“You…” her bottom lip quivered slightly. “You were never gonna come back.” She glared at Pink, tears spilling out from her eyes. “What would’ve happened if you hadn’t come back to life, huh?” Her face hardened. “I would’ve just been standing there forever, because...because you LEFT me!” Her fist shot out and slammed into the wall next to Pink, making her jump. “I spent  _ so long _ standing there, waiting for you, and you were never gonna come back?” She shuddered, black marks extending from her eyes down the sides of her face. They looked like tear tracks, only much more permanent.

“I’m sorry!” Pink cried out. “It was stupid of me, careless and selfish. I was terrible to you, Spinel.”

“Why? Why did you leave me there?” She slammed her fist into the wall again. “Why, why, why…” All of the anger drained out of Spinel as quickly as it had appeared. She visibly deflated. “Why wasn’t I good enough?”

Pink choked down a sob. This was not the time for her tears. “You  _ were _ good enough. You were always good enough. It was me who wasn’t good.”

Spinel shuddered again. This time her hair came loose from its little buns, unravelling into spiky, ragged pigtails. “You really weren’t,” she said. “Why’d you even tell me, huh? Why’d you come get me?”

“Because I don’t want to lie to you.” Pink wiped at her eye and knelt down next to her. “It was wrong, but maybe now I can-”

Spinel’s fist shot out from her side a third time, this time connecting with Pink’s stomach. The force sent Pink reeling back into the wall, momentarily stunned.

“And you get to be  _ all better _ now too, don’t you? You got to grow and change and get better, while I wasted away and got worse!” All of that anger was back now; eyes were filled with wild, untamed rage. “Well, I don’t wanna hear it.  _ I don’t wanna hear it! _ ” She slammed her fist into Pink again, and then again, pummeling her with blow after blow. “I don’t wanna meet your new friends, I don’t wanna see how much better you’ve been doing without me, I don’t wanna hear ANYTHING from you, EVER AGAIN!” She delivered a final blow, right above Pink’s gem, and Pink felt her form flicker. Her consciousness was thin and floating again, floating towards nothingness. It was brief enough that Spinel didn’t see it, but there was no doubt that for just one moment, Pink was gone again.

Spinel was curled up on the floor; her body wracked with sobs. Pink looked down at her and felt a strange emptiness inside herself. A helplessness, maybe. “I’m sorry, Spinel,” she said. “I’m so, so sorry. I’m going to go now. I’ll set a course for Earth. Once we land, you can go off wherever you want, and you’ll never have to see me again.” She made her way over to the door and hesitated. A part of her wanted to apologize one more time, or ask if there was anything she could do, but in the pit of her stomach she already knew the answer. So instead, she left the room without another word, as Spinel shuddered one more time and her gem slowly wrenched itself upside down.

Steven was waiting for her in the control room, perched on the arm of her chair. “Pearl told me I would probably find you here,” he said, “eventually.”

It seemed there would be no rest of her, not today. Pink tried to put thoughts of Spinel aside and smiled at him. “Well, she was right. Do you think you can help me fly this thing home?”

Steven jumped down and walked over to her. “Maybe,” he said. “I mean, I did fly it here.”

Pink stepped back and gestured towards the control panel with her arm. “In that case, it’s all yours.”

Steven stepped up to the control panel tentatively. He had no trouble inputting the directions for Earth. But when he stepped onto the panel to activate the ship, it lit up red. 

_ “Pink Diamond not detected.” _

Steven stepped back and frowned. “It needs you.” His hand reflexively went to his stomach.

“Oh, of course.” Pink stepped up and quickly powered on the ship. Once it was in the air, she stepped back and knelt down next to her son. “How are you doing, Steven?”

“Um, I’m okay,” he said. He fidgeted with his fingers and looked down. “You healed me, so I’m fine.”

“I don’t mean like that.” 

Steven’s cheeks turned red. He still wouldn’t look her in the eye. “Um, I’m happy that you’re back. I finally get to meet you. I mean, you’re my mom, of course I’m happy that you’re here.” He shuffled one foot behind the other.

“But?” Pink asked gently.

“But…” Steven finally turned to face her. She saw him decide on which truth to tell. “Well, you were really in there, the whole time.”

Pink nodded. “Just barely.”

“So then, was it all you? All of the bubbles and shields and floating?”

Pink smiled at him in what she hoped was a comforting way. “No, Steven. That was you. I may have been alive, but I wasn’t conscious enough to do anything other than exist. It didn’t feel like I had a body, or even a gem. You had it the whole time.”

“Oh.” That seemed to cheer him up a little. Or maybe she was just projecting, trying to see some sort of comfort where there was none. “It’s strange,” he said, looking down at his stomach again, “that you were there the whole time.”

“Yes,” Pink said. “When I gave my gem to you, I was so sure that it would work permanently. That I would be gone. But, well…” she shrugged, and Steven nodded like he understood.

“I’m glad I get to meet you though,” he said. “I’m glad I get to see my mom.” He hugged her, then, and Pink felt something bittersweet bubble up in her throat. The fact that he loved her. The fact that he  _ still _ loved her, even after he knew the truth of what she was and what she had done. Even after all of the terrible things she had done had come back to haunt him. Even after she had stolen half of his existence. 

Even after all that, he loved her.

“I’m so proud of you, Steven.” Pink buried her head in his hair. “You’re better than I’d ever hoped you would be. And I am so,  _ so _ glad that I get to meet you.”

She couldn’t see Steven’s smile, but she could feel it. They spent the rest of the trip back to Earth alone in the control room, just talking. Talking about everything. Pink had almost fifteen years of her son’s life to catch up on, and he was curious about what it was like to be a diamond. Those memories stung a little, but she told him anyways, because she did not want to lie to him.

Before they knew it, the ship was chiming to tell them they’d arrived on Earth. The two of them rejoined the others at the exit. Steven grinned in anticipation as the doors began to slide open, revealing a familiar sandy stretch of beach

“We’re home!” he said. He turned to Connie and grabbed her hand. “We did it!” The two of them laughed and hugged each other as everyone filed out onto land. Pearl’s hands were clasped together in excitement, Amethyst whooped and cartwheeled all over the beach, and even Garnet had a grin on her face.

As Pink went to close the doors, the smile slipped from Steven’s face. “Wait,” he said. “What about Spinel?”

Pink looked around, and sure enough Spinel wasn’t there. “She’s probably still in the connection chamber,” she said. 

“Oh! I’ll go get her!” Steven said. “Come on, Connie.”

“Steven, wait,” Pink said. “She might not...I mean, she and I-”

“It’s okay, mom.” Steven said. “I know how to deal with gems like that.” He turned around and scrambled back inside, with Connie close behind him. For a moment, Pink thought of following him, but surely Spinel wouldn’t want to see her, right? 

Right? Pink sighed and leaned against her ship, shame burning in the pit of her stomach. He shouldn’t need to clean up her messes. Especially now. She made up her mind to follow him, but before she could re-enter the ship, she felt a hand grip her arm gently.

“Let me go,” Pearl said. “I heard how she reacted.” Pink nodded thankfully and watched her walk up through the doors.

She looked out over the others, not quite ready to step away from the ship yet. Lapis had grabbed Peridot into a hug, smiling so much that tears were running down her cheeks. Bismuth was talking to Garnet animatedly further up the beach. Pink couldn’t quite make out all of the words, but it seemed she was already talking about new plans to upgrade the temple house. Pink tried to catch her eye, but Bismuth just frowned in her direction and turned away. 

Pink Pearl had wandered down the beach and had just reached the ocean. Pink watched as she poked a toe in the water, and giggled when she jumped back in surprise. Pink Pearl looked up and spotted Pink. She blushed and came up to her.

“So this is Earth,” she said. 

Pink nodded. “What do you think?”

“Oh! Um, I like it, so far.”

Pink offered a tentative smile. “I’m glad. Earth is the best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe it can help you, too.”

“Maybe.” Pink Pearl’s eyes were distant. “My- Pink, what do I do now? What do any of us do now? We’ve got Homeworld against us. There’s no way we could go up against all of them and win, is there?”

“Well, we did it once before,” she said wryly. She dropped the smile and sighed. “I don’t know. By their rules, I own this planet. So if worst comes to worst, I can tell you that as long as you stay here you’ll be under my protection. But I don’t know if they want to fight us. Fight me.” She ran a hand through her hair. “When we left, White told me she was sorry, and I told her to prove it. Maybe it was rash, but it means what happens next is up to her now. She has to make the next move.”

“And until then?”

“Well, we’ll have to decide together. But I don’t want to think about that tonight.” Pink said. She smiled down at pink Pearl. “You asked me what you should do. I can’t answer that; it’s up to you. But we made it out of Homeworld alive. I think that deserves some celebration.”

Pink heard chatter from inside the ship. She stepped away from the door quickly, trying to hide herself around the curve. 

“...really like it here. Earth is great! There are lots of things to do. I think you’ll find a place you fit in.” Steven emerged from the ship, holding hands with a very reluctant Spinel. When she saw the beach and the temple, her eyes widened and some of the reluctance dropped from her form. She looked around in wonder.

“I can live...here?” she asked. Steven nodded, and Spinel let the smallest touch of a smile cross her lips. “I like it. It’s…” Her eyes landed on Pink, and her face immediately darkened. “Never mind.” She frowned and turned back towards the ship, looking half ready to go back in.

Pink felt a lump in her throat and quickly turned away, making a beeline for the temple..

As she walked away, she heard Steven’s voice from behind her. She was far enough away that she shouldn’t have heard it. But she did anyway.

“I know she hurt you. She hurt a lot of people. And you have a right to be mad at her for it.”

Pink squeezed her eyes shut and scampered the rest of the way up to the temple as quickly as she could. Her cheeks burned hot with shame. Her son was cleaning up her messes,  _ again _ . She paced back and forth on the deck in front of the house, trying to quiet her head. But her thoughts were turbulent and frenzied, piling up on top of each other, pushing against the confines of her head, until suddenly, she wasn’t there anymore.

It was like the last time she flickered, only longer. Pink was gone again, floating in that empty space between the physical world and nothing. But before she could fully get used to it, she was back again, thrust back into a body. 

_ Her  _ body. It was  _ her _ body. The one she had chosen when she reformed. It was  _ meant _ to be there.

She reformed on one knee, breathing heavily and bracing her hands against the porch. She glanced around wildly. It didn’t look like anyone on the beach had seen her. 

As she stood up that strange emptiness came back again, filling her full of nothing. She felt like her body was dead weight, and for a moment getting it to move was a struggle. But she had to move. Had to force the emptiness down and out of her. Had to lift her head up high and keep going forward.

She would do better. That was all she could do.

It took a moment for Pink to fully come back to herself. When she did, she noticed something. A sound that hadn’t been able to get through her roiling thoughts moments before. But it was here now, clear as day. Somewhere inside the house, Greg was humming.

She opened the screen door and stepped inside. And there he was, sitting on a couch with a small cat in his lap. The late afternoon sunlight was slanting in through the windows, casting his face in golden light. He was petting the cat as he hummed the notes to a familiar tune, one he had sung for her dozens of times before. She couldn’t help herself. She started humming along.

Greg stopped and turned to face the doorway. When his eyes landed on her, he stared, open-mouthed. He blinked once. Twice.

Pink didn’t know what to say. “Hello, Greg.”

He blinked a third time.

She was about to say something else, maybe, ask him if he recognized her, but he beat her to it.

“Rose?” Greg stood up, causing the cat to jump off his lap and scamper away. He paid it no attention. Still staring at her.

“Steven is okay,” she said quickly. “He’s fine. But, yes.”

“Rose.” It came out as a whisper this time, and Pink knew him well enough to realize he was holding back tears. “How…?”

“Long story,” Pink said, and he rushed forward and hugged her. When Pink broke away she was crying, and he was, too. 

“You’re back,” he said, laughing through the tears. “You’re back!”

“I am.” She smiled down at him, the tears in her eyes making everything blurry.

“And Steven is okay?” 

She nodded. “Fully human now, I think.”

He grasped her hand tightly. “When he went off to Homeworld, I didn’t think-” He pulled her out of the house, dragging her back down the steps. “And he gets to meet you! Rose, this kid is the most remarkable boy I’ve ever seen. You should see the things he’s capable of.”

Pink let herself be pulled along, grinning at his enthusiasm. “I know,” she said. “He’s something special.”

They rejoined the group, Greg looking from Steven to her and back again, face filled with wonder and excitement. Introductions were made, news was exchanged, and there was plenty of celebration all around. Eventually the sun set, so they made a small fire on the beach and Greg grilled hot dogs for the humans and Amethyst to eat. There was singing around the campfire and recounts of their adventures on Homeworld. Even Spinel and pink Pearl were having a decent time; the two were chatting quietly together in a dark spot away from everyone else. And Pink tried to ignore the tension between her and Garnet, between her and Bismuth, between her and Spinel...between her and everyone. She told them stories of Homeworld with the Pearls chiming in, adding a missing detail or two. For a moment at a time Pink could forget the web of tense glances and uncovered lies that she was tangled in. For a moment, she could pretend she was at peace. 

“...And that’s how White declared juggling inside the palace to be an act of treason,” she was saying. But before everyone’s laughter could come to its natural end, it was cut short by a flash of white light. It lit up the beach completely before disappearing, leaving imprints of stark shadows behind Pink’s eyes. The group stared at the sky in confusion. The flashing came again, and again two seconds later, falling into a simple, jarring pattern.

“Um, my...Pink?” pink Pearl asked tentatively. “Does the moon always do this at night?”

Pink frowned. “No,” she said wearily. “This is something they started doing to their colonies after White took you.” She stood up, brushing the sand from her legs, and turned to the crystal gems. “Is the warp pad still in the house?”

Pearl nodded, worry tracing her features in the white light. “Do you want us to go with you?”

Yes. “No.” Pink bit her lip. “I should do it on my own.” 

“What’s going on?” Connie asked. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” Pink said, letting out a tired sigh, “that White is calling me.”


	3. Those Fuckers, the Diamonds

It had been a long, long time since Pink had been to the moon base. The place did not have very many happy memories attached to it. And besides that, the murals on the walls were always such harsh caricatures. She was many things, but  _ spiky _ was not one of them. After thousands of years of disuse, a small coating of moon dust covered the floor, broken by a few sets of footprints and a fair amount of debris. The entire tower was flashing bright white, sending stark shadows across everything. Pink tried to ignore the art on the walls and the shards of stone and scurried up the steps. When she reached the top she ran towards the control panel, slapping her hand onto it and swiping up to receive the call.

White’s face filled the screen in front of her, almost larger than life. She looked...disheveled. Enough to break the calm exterior that she usually maintained so carefully. 

“Pink!” She cried out shrilly, making Pink cringe away. “There you are! I thought you weren’t going to pick up, I-”

“What do you want, White?” Pink felt a bit of that familiar anger rise inside her, but mostly she just felt tired. She stood back and crossed her arms.

“I-” White stopped. If everything she knew about White didn’t suggest otherwise, Pink would’ve assumed she hadn’t thought this far ahead. “I want to talk to you.”

“Well?” Pink leaned back against the base of her chair. “What do you want to say?”

“I, um,” White stumbled over her words. “Pink, I, I’m- won’t you come home?”

“I  _ am _ home,” Pink said coldly.

“But-” White sputtered. “What about us? What about Blue and Yellow and me?”

“You made your choice,” Pink said. “You chose not to be my family when you decided I was only worthy of your disapproval. I spent thousands of years trapped there. I will not go back again.”

“We were just trying to help you!” White cried. “I just wanted you to be better!”

“ _ Better on whose terms _ ?” Pink roared. She suddenly realized she could feel a rushing in her ears, white-hot anger running though her and heating her up from the inside, making her hands shake and blurring her vision around the edges. “I  _ tried _ to be like you wanted me to. I tried  _ so hard _ to please you, and it made me feel lifeless inside. It made me miserable! I am not like you, White. I was  _ never _ like you, and I felt dead when I tried to be. It  _ hurt _ .  _ You hurt me. _ ”

White almost literally stumbled back. She was staring at Pink like she’d never seen her before. “I didn’t mean to,” she said, finally. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Pink curled up her lip in frustration and maybe a bit of disgust. “Do you think that matters?”

White looked down, still slightly stunned. A long moment of silence passed, where Pink glared up at the screen and White seemingly ignored her, lost in her own thoughts. Pink could almost see them marching through her head as she figured out what to say next.

“Well,” she finally said, matter-of-factly. “You’ll just have to come back, and I’ll make it up to you. I’ll stop telling you what to do. I’ll let you do whatever you want with the Earth, and we can talk about giving you more colonies. How does that sound?” She sounded so much like her old self it made Pink sick. So much so that she almost missed the flicker of hope in her eyes, enough for Pink to know that the offer was genuine.

She ground her teeth. “No.”

“What?” The surprise on White’s face was almost comical. “Why not?”

“I don’t  _ want _ more colonies. I don’t  _ want _ to participate in your terrible system of destruction, for the sake of what? Perfection? I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to be.”

“I-”

“You say Earth is mine? Well, fine then. I declare it independent from your empire. If you have a problem with that, you can come and you can attack, but you won’t get Earth back, and you won’t get me back, until I’m in pieces at your feet.”

White cringed away from the screen. “Don’t say that, Pink, I could never-”

“Never what? Shatter me?” Pink leaned back and crossed her arms, feeling at once terribly smug and terribly guilty for the former. “You  _ do _ care about me, don’t you? Somewhere, deep deep down? I bet you tried  _ so hard _ to suppress that, didn’t you?” All at once the smugness fell away, and Pink found she was blinking back tears. “Well, you’ve won. You’ve lost me. I’ve found other people to love. People who love me back.”

White let out a sound that was dangerously close to a sob. “Please, Pink!” she cried out. “Please, just, come back. I...I  _ want _ you to come back. I want to make things better. I want to fix this.”

Pink turned away from the screen. She couldn’t stand the sight of White’s face. “You don’t get it, do you?” she asked quietly. “You can’t.” Pink thought about days locked in the tower and hours in White’s ship, where her voice cut like a whip. She thought of Spinel, of her first pearl, of how Bismuth wouldn’t talk to her and how Garnet wouldn’t look her in the eye. “You can’t make it better. I can’t forgive you for what you did to me.”

There was a moment where White’s silence hung heavy in the air. Finally, Pink straightened her shoulders. She was facing fully away from the screen.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” she said. “Don’t call me unless I call you first.” Without looking, she slammed her hand down onto the panel behind her, cutting the connection.

When she was sure she wouldn’t see White’s face again if she turned around, Pink faced the panel again and began to cry. Sobs wracked her body and she fell, shaking, to the floor. Something was welling up inside of her, something that was full of the grief and pain and lifelessness that she hadn’t felt since becoming Rose. All it had taken to return was a glimpse or two of White’s face. And no matter how much she tried to push it back it wouldn’t leave, wouldn’t go away until it had had its fill of feasting on her insides, leaving her hollowed out and curled up on the floor, wishing she had never come back.

It was the early hours of the morning when she warped back to Earth. As she stepped off the warp pad she stumbled, one of her legs giving out from under her. She was able to catch herself before she fell, but as she straightened again she felt a weariness wash over her. She needed...sleep? She had never slept before. A rest, at least.

As she scanned the temple house, her eyes landed on Steven, asleep in his bed. The moon illuminated his face, setting it aglow with silver light. He looked at peace. She smiled at the sight of him and turned around to go into her room, finding herself face to face with Pearl instead. She was leaning against the wall, regarding Pink with curiosity and more than a bit of worry.

“How was White?” she asked quietly. 

“White was…” Pink hesitated. “A mess.”

“What did she say?”

Pink frowned. “She wanted me to come back. She wanted to make things up to me.”

“And?”

The frown grew deeper. “I hung up. I don’t know what to say to her, Pearl. I can’t forgive her. That should be the end of it. I have no reason to talk to her anymore.”

“But?”

Pink shook her head. “I don’t know. I can’t think about it right now.” She looked down at Pearl. “What about you? Are you alright?”

Pearl shrugged. “As alright as I can be, I think.” She frowned to herself, thinking. “I spent so long missing you. Mourning you. If you had told me a few years ago that you would come back, I would have been overjoyed. And now you are back, and everything is just...strange. So strange.” She looked over at Steven, still asleep peacefully in his bed. “It all feels…”

“Wrong.” Pink looked down at her toes. “I agree.”

Pear looked at her sharply. “I didn’t say-”

“But you meant it, didn’t you?” Pink smiled sadly. “I feel it too. The wrongness. Like I shouldn’t be here. Like I shouldn’t exist at all.” For a moment she was nothing again, and then she was back, and Pearl was a half step closer, stopped in the beginnings of a sprint.

“Pink!” Pearl closed the distance between them and grabbed her arm. “Are you okay?” She glanced over at Steven, then continued in a frantic whisper. “What was that? You were just-”

“Gone.” Pink felt the weariness settle back into her, heavier this time. “I’m alright, Pearl. It was just a flicker.”

“You mean this has happened before?” Pearl released her arm and looked her up and down. “That can't be good. I've never heard of anything like this.”

Pink gave a wry smile. “I’ve done a lot of things that haven’t been heard of.” She felt her knees start to buckle, and braced an arm against the wall. Her body felt like dead weight. “I think I should go to my room.”

“Pink…” Pearl began to say. “Are you alright?”

Pink gave a tired fake grin. “I’m a lot better than I was a day ago.” She sobered. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Being suddenly forced back to life is bound to be taxing in some way or another.”

“I...” Pearl stepped back. “Okay. You’ll tell me, though, if it gets worse? Tell us?”

“Yes,” Pink said. She slowly pushed off of the wall. “Good night, Pearl.”

Her room was more or less just as she had left it. Once the door had shut behind her, Pink let herself fall down onto the cloudy ground. She shifted to her back and stared up, into a sky filled with identical clouds, as soft and wispy as cotton candy.

She remembered the evening that had sparked this version of the room. She had been sitting on the cliff above the temple, watching the sun set with Greg. The sky was soft pink and it was endless, endless in a way that made her feel protected and safe. Pink remembered the way she let her legs dangle over the edge, hovering in open air. Greg had sighed, a soft, contented sound, and in that moment Pink felt whole and complete.

“I want to have a child.” she had said.

“Is that even possible?” Greg had asked. 

“I don’t know.” Pink tore her eyes away from the sky and took his hand. “But I want to try.”

Greg thought for a moment, then smiled. “Okay,” he said. “Let’s try.”

Pink had smiled so wide her eyes crinkled up, and leaned back under the endless blanket sky, stretching out to the horizon and beyond. She had felt as light as a cloud, drifting off into the great unknown without a care in the world.

But back in the present her body still felt heavy, and Pink had the feeling she wouldn’t be able to float anytime soon. So she lay on the ground instead, trying to ease the weariness that ate away at her, and watching the clouds float by above.

Some time later, Pink felt well enough to stand again. She started for the door, then stopped. If she looked at all like she felt...a mirror appeared before her and she stared into it. She looked fine. She looked good, even. No hint of the weariness from the night before.

Even before she was gone, it had been so long since she was Pink Diamond. In the years leading up to her fake shattering, she had come to despise her diamond form. It was a cruel reminder of all that she wasn’t, all that she had been told she should be. Rose had been an escape. But now she was Pink again, and she did not hate it. 

Remnants of Rose were all over her: her clothes, her shoes, even her hair had some of Rose’s curl to it. But there was no mistaking the fact that she was Pink Diamond. A changed Pink Diamond, but one who was no longer hiding. Pink pressed her fingertips to the mirror, then let it disappear. It looked  _ right _ , just as it had felt right when she reformed. Had that been only yesterday? Pink frowned. So much had happened since then.

She stepped out of her room and into a house full of activity. All of the crystal gems were there. Garnet, Peridot, and Lapis were on the couch, talking animatedly about something. Amethyst was fully lying down on the coffee table with her hands behind her head, joining the conversation every once in a while with a quip. Connie was leaning against her sword, talking to Bismuth. Greg and Steven were tucked in a corner; Steven was strumming on his ukulele quietly. He looked slightly pale, but maybe that was just a trick of the light.

Pearl was zipping from one group to another, trying to get people to come together and focus. She was the one who spotted Pink first. “Oh, Pink!” she called out, while simultaneously dragging Bismuth and Connie over to Garnet and the others. “Good, you’re here.”

Pink smiled and stepped down into the living room. The beauty of the moment struck her. So much joy, all packed into one room. Their love for each other was so apparent she could almost taste it.

And yet. Steven and Greg walked over to the others, and Pink realized it hadn’t been a trick of the light. He  _ did _ look paler than he was yesterday. And the way he looked at the others, too, before darting his eyes to Pink, it was clear he felt uncertain. He sat half-behind the others; not fully a part of the group.

Pink did the only thing that made sense at the moment: she sat down next to him. If Steven felt out of place, then she would be out of place with him. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him look at her curiously, then turn his attention back to the rest of the group, the echoes of a smile on his face. 

Pearl clapped her hands together, getting everyone’s attention. “Hello everybody,” she said. “Thank you for joining me. I think we all know why we’re here, so let’s just get down to it. What are our next steps?”

After a moment of silence, Connie spoke up. “Well, we still need to heal the corrupted gems. That was the point of our whole mission in the first place, right? It should be our priority.”

“Well said, Connie,” Pearl said, and Pink watched as Connie grinned and sat up a little straighter, obviously proud of herself. It really was a marvel how much Pearl had changed. The Pearl that Pink knew wouldn’t take charge like this. But she was good at it.

“So, how do we do that?” Lapis asked. 

“I think we’re gonna need all four diamonds.” Steven said. “That’s what Blue thought, anyways.”

“So, did we gain  _ anything _ from going to Homeworld?” Peridot asked. “It seems like we’re back where we started.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Pearl cut in quickly. “We have Pink now. She knows them.” She turned to Pink. “Maybe you could get them to come to Earth and help us.”

Pink realized everyone was staring at her. She tried to smile. “Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t cut White off completely, then.” 

“Do you think you can do it?” Garnet’s voice was sharp.

Pink squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t know.” she said, finally. “I don’t know how much they’ve changed since I last saw them. Or if they changed at all. I know I gave them all quite a shock with my...reemergence, but as to whether or not that prompted something…” she opened her eyes and shrugged. “I can try, at least.”

“Pink?” Pearl stepped forward, concerned. “Do you  _ want _ to do it?”

Pink furrowed her brow and pushed back the urge to cringe away. “Not particularly. But there are bigger things at stake here.” She forced herself to look back at the group. “And besides, if we can’t get them to come to Earth, there might be another way. The diamonds periodically extract their essences. It’s kind of like…” she struggled for the right words. “Concentrated magical energy. It serves as a catalyst for every batch of gems in our kindergartens; it jump-starts their development.” She waved her hand dismissively. “The point is, it’s very powerful. If we can’t get the diamonds to come to Earth, maybe I can convince them to send me their essences.”

“Is that what was happening in the extraction chamber?” Steven asked. “I went there with Yellow.”

“Yes,” Pink said. “Exactly.”

“Is  _ that _ what powers your healing fountain?” Garnet asked. Pink nodded, and she turned away again. “Interesting. It must have run out; that’s why it stopped working.”

The others kept talking, shifting to defense strategies in the event of an attack, then to how to best inform Beach City of the new developments, then to new weapons for the crystal gems. Bismuth insisted on arming Peridot somehow, and after a few energetic minutes they agreed on a set of metal spikes that she could launch at opponents.

“And what about you, Steven?” Bismuth turned to him after she and Peridot were done. “Do you want anything new?”

“Oh. Um..” Steven shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know.”

“Come on, Steven!” Connie cut in. “You still know how to use a shield. Bismuth could make you one to match my new sword!” She was obviously trying her best to cheer him up, but Pink wasn’t sure how effective it was.

“Okay,” he said, voice devoid of energy. “That sounds good.” Pink caught Connie frowning worriedly, but she hid it quickly and determinedly set her face.

“Is that it for the meeting?” Connie asked. After everybody confirmed that they had said all they needed to, she jumped up and walked over to Steven. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s get breakfast together before my mom comes to pick me up.” Steven smiled at that, but as he and Connie walked away together, Pink noticed that his shoulders were slumped, and instead of walking side by side with Connie he shuffled behind her. 

She got up and turned to the rest of the group. Lapis and Peridot had taken over the couch and were huddled next to each other, exchanging giggles. Everyone else was milling around, talking to one another and slowly drifting out of the house. 

Pink thought for a moment, then turned to go back to her room. She had a communicator in there somewhere, one that could reach the diamonds directly. It was a place to start, at least. She tried to push down the urge to shudder the idea of talking to the diamonds. 

“Hey, Pink!”

Pink let out a sigh of relief and turned around. To her surprise it was Bismuth who had called out. Bismuth, who hadn’t looked her in the eye since she’d come back. 

“Hang back a moment,” she said. “I want to talk with you.”

Pink pushed down the nerves that were threatening to clog her throat and nodded. The two of them waited until everyone else had left, already starting to work on the plans they had made. 

“Bismuth,” she said, once everyone had left. “I need to apologize. I wasn’t-”

“Save it.” 

Pink actually stepped back in surprise. “What?”

“I don’t need an apology,” Bismuth said. “I already know you’re sorry. You’ve been acting it since you came back.”

“Oh.” Pink didn’t quite know what to say.

Bismuth sighed. “I want to be mad at you, you know. I mean, you cut me off from my family!” Anger filled her face and then drained from it in an instant. She sighed and rubbed her fingertips across her forehead. “It’d be easier to hate you if I didn’t understand why you did it.”

“Wh-..I…” Pink struggled to find words. “But that’s not an  _ excuse _ . Bismuth, I took everything away from you. You have a  _ right _ to be angry.”

“And I’m choosing not to be.” Bismuth let out a bitter laugh. “You didn’t know anything else, did you? Nothing but lies upon lies. That’s the part that hurt, you know. You couldn’t even tell them the truth.” For a moment her face darkened, but she pushed it away. 

“For what it’s worth, I  _ am _ sorry.” Pink said quietly.

Bismuth almost smiled. “I know. And look, you’ve done nothing since you got back but try to fix your mistakes. That counts for something. So yes, I’m hurt. I might never stop being hurt. But I don’t hate you. You and I are okay.” She smiled at Pink, eyes shining with life, and Pink felt something sharp and aching pierce through her. The strange, twisting pain of being forgiven when you don’t deserve it.

“Thank you, Bismuth,” she said quietly.

Bismuth grinned and slapped her on the back. “Don’t mention it. You really threw us all for a loop, you know, coming back like that.”

Pink’s lips twisted into a shallow smile. “Trust me, I was just as surprised as you.”

Bismuth laughed, a deep, rumbling sound that Pink couldn’t help smiling when she heard. “So, you ready for this plan?” Pink must have made a face, because she laughed again. “I don’t envy your position. Talking to those upper-crusts.” She gave a mock shudder. “Sounds terrible.”

Pink did her best to match Bismuth’s tone. “Someone’s gotta do it.”

“Well, better you than me.” Bismuth grinned. “I should head out. I’ve got new weapons to make. I’ll see you around, Pink. Good luck.”

“Same to you.” Pink watched Bismuth walk away with a smile on her face. When her colourful hair was out of sight, Pink turned back to her room. 

She flickered twice before she got there.

After a bit of searching, Pink was able to find the communicator. She stared at it for a moment, then tucked it under her arm. She could contact them from her ship. Not the house. She would not let them into her house.

So she made her way down and out to the beach, where her ship was still standing tall. In the distance she saw Steven and Connie on their way back from the Big Donut, holding hands and laughing. To her surprise, Spinel and Bismuth were sitting together by the water, talking. The morning sun was still low in the sky, illuminating their silhouettes. Pink moved quickly to her ship before Spinel noticed her.

When the doors to the control room closed behind her, Pink let out a breath of relief. The cold floors of the ship muffled the sounds of her feet as she paced back and forth. Who would she call first? Pink stared at the communicator, resisting the urge to throw it across the room. She should just use her ship’s communicators. They were bound to reach them faster, right? Pink stepped up to the control panel. Her hand hovered over the flat array of dials and switches for a moment, before snatching it back to her side. 

Groaning, Pink put her head in her hands and sat down on the floor. It was a simple thing, really. Call up the diamonds, talk to them. Get them to come to Earth. And besides, she had to do this. She  _ needed _ to do this. She had told the others that she would do this.

The control panel in front of her let out a loud ping, startling Pink out of her thoughts. She stood up and approached it warily. The moment she placed her hand on it, the machine recited its message in a melodic, calming voice.

“ _ Blue Diamond is requesting to enter the atmosphere. _ ”

Pink ground the palm of her hand against one of her eyes. It seemed her decision had been made for her. “Access granted. Send her the following message: Pink requests that you join her in her ship.” The panel pinged again to indicate it understood, and Pink sat down in her chair.

Well then. There was nothing to do but wait. 

Pink watched from the ship's external video feed as Blue exited her ship and walked up to Pink’s. She paused by the door, hesitating for a moment before raising a hand to knock. Pink pressed a button on the control panel and the doors slid open before she got the chance. She watched as Blue made her way through the ship, only stopping when she was right outside the doors to the control room. Biting down nerves and something else she couldn’t quite place, Pink turned off the panel and walked over to the door, opening it. 

For a moment, Blue was frozen, staring down at Pink with awe.

“Pink,” she breathed.

Pink swallowed. “Hello, Blue,” she said. “Come in.” She stepped back to let Blue enter.

Blue Diamond had her hood down, but her hands were almost completely hidden beneath her draping sleeves as she clasped them together in front of her. After a moment of looking around, she turned towards one of the chairs, then back towards Pink with a questioning look. Pink nodded wearily and Blue took a seat. After a moment, Pink joined her, sitting down on the central platform so she and Blue could be more or less eye level.

“I have something for you,” Blue said softly. From somewhere in her sleeve she produced a bottle. It was deep blue and shaped like a teardrop, inlaid with blue stones and finished with a heavy stopper that was pointed on the top. Pink took it with surprise. 

“Your essence,” she said. “But, how did you know?”

“Steven,” she said. “Your...son, he said? That was why he came to Homeworld in the first place.”

“Oh,” Pink said. She stared at the bottle in her hands. It was heavy, filled to the brim.

“He was right,” Blue said. “We talked a little bit. He was right about how we treated you.” She drummed her fingers across the back of her other hand. “I wanted to help, but I understand if you don’t want me here. So…” she shrugged, gesturing towards the bottle. 

“Thank you,” Pink said. She glanced towards Blue. 

“I…I’ll go now.” Blue said. She stood up, reflexively brushing nonexistent wrinkles from her dress, and started towards the door.

“Blue,” Pink called out. “You can stay for a bit, if you’d like.”

It had been a long time since Pink had seen Blue truly happy, but she recognized the way her face lit up just then. “Really?” Pink nodded, and Blue sat back down. She was smiling, but Pink could sense her uncertainty. That made two of them.

“I missed you,” Blue said. “I missed you so much. And then you were back, but, well, after everything, I didn’t think…”

Pink frowned and waved her hand. “Please, let’s not talk about it right now.”

“Oh.” Blue furrowed her brow. “Alright. Of course.”

Silence hung thick in the air for a moment. “How is Homeworld?” Pink asked finally.

“I...don’t know.” Blue said. “It’s hard to tell. After you left again, White was...distraught. She’s called a galaxy-wide halt on all operations.” She turned to Pink. “No one knows what to do.”

“Really.” Pink tried to make her tone sound only mildly interested, but she knew she wasn’t hiding her surprise. “I didn’t know I had such an effect on her.”

“Of course you did.” It was Blue’s turn to sound surprised. “You’re our heart, Pink. It’s one thing when your heart breaks, but it’s quite another when she willingly rips herself out of your chest.” She seemed to realize what she was saying and glanced away. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to talk about it.”

Pink sighed. “I missed you too, you know,” she conceded. “I missed you all terribly.” She frowned. “No, that’s not right. I missed who you used to be.”

Blue was quiet for a moment. “Pink?” she said finally, quietly. “I really am sorry. I said this to Steven, but I don’t fault you for leaving.” She pressed her hand to the wall and it turned transparent, revealing the beach outside. “I’m glad you found happiness somewhere, at least.”

Pink frowned at her back, then sighed and leaned back.  _ I wish I knew how to feel about you _ , she wanted to say. “It was nice while it lasted,” she said instead. “But it feels good now to not be living a lie.”

Blue looked at her curiously. She seemed to be taking in Pink’s new form. “You’ve changed,” she said.

Pink gave her a wry smile. “So I’ve heard.”

“It’s true.” Blue reached out a hand, then hesitated and drew it back. “You’ve done good for yourself.”

“Not everything has changed,” Pink said.

“Oh?” Blue arched an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“I’m still a mess.” Pink let out a short laugh.

Pink used to pride herself on being the only one able to make Blue laugh. It was a rare occurrence even before White had turned cold. Her laugh was melodic and soulful; it filled you up to the brim with joy. “You’re not a mess, Pink,” she said once she had sobered. “You never were. You just had too much life and not enough places to put it.”

Pink turned away quickly so Blue wouldn’t see her face fall.  _ Too much life and not enough places to put it. _ Seemed quite the opposite these days. She leaned back against Blue’s chair and tilted her head back to look up at her, pretending that she had been planning to do that all along.

“Tell me more about Homeworld,” she said. “What was it like with me gone?”

They talked for a long time. Some of it was happy, some of it wasn’t. Pink let herself feel comfortable in each and tried to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of her head that something was about to go terribly wrong. Eventually, Blue stood up, saying something about how she should go back to check on White and Yellow. Pink walked her to the door, but they both paused before she walked through it. Pink was struck with the urge to do  _ something _ . She hesitated, wrapped her arms around Blue. 

Blue, shell-shocked, stood frozen for a moment before putting one arm around Pink, and then another, clutching her to her chest. Her body shook, and Pink realized she was crying.

“Oh, Pink.” she said. “I love you. I just...I hope you know that-”

“I know,” Pink murmured. She wished that could be enough. 

Blue wiped away a tear with her finger and smiled. “Come visit me, sometime,” she said, and let Pink go. She swept out the door, leaving Pink with a heaviness in her chest, a storm in her head, and a shiny blue bottle on the floor.

Back at the temple house, Pink presented the bottle of essence to the others and did her best to smile. She only half-noticed the expressions of surprise and delight, only half-heard the cheers and celebrations. Out of the corner of her eye she was watching Blue’s ship take off, until it was out of sight.

“She said she’d come in person, too,” she said to the group. “If we wanted her.”

“Really?” Amethyst grinned. “That’s great! Are we gonna invite her?” 

Pink shrugged. “It’s up to Steven, I think. This was his idea, after all.” She turned to Steven, who was sitting on the couch and staring out the window. 

“Oh,” he said. “Um, sure.” He got up and smiled. “That’s great.” His smile was just a little too wide, and stayed on his face just a second too long to be natural. Pink felt something sharp in her chest. She stepped forward, ready to say...something, but he had already started towards the door. “I’ll be right back,” he said. “Just going to go grab something.” He smiled again as he walked out the door, but Pink noticed that as he turned he squeezed his eyes shut, a gesture she recognized all too well from herself.

Late that night, Pink found herself back in her ship, communicator in hand. She stared at it with trepidation. White Diamond was less than four seconds of typing away. Her other hand hovered over the controls, but for a long, painful moment they didn’t move any closer.

Part of her wanted to be upset at the crystal gems for making her do this. A larger part of her felt guilty for waiting this long to do it. She groaned and sat back, the ship’s chair rising up to meet her.

She had let Blue back in; it couldn’t be that hard to do the same for White. Only, Blue had at least tried to love her, back before she left. All she had known from White for so long was cruelty.

She had every right to never talk to White again. She didn’t  _ want _ to talk to White. At least, not right now. But she had to, didn’t she? She would do anything for the crystal gems. Anything for Steven. She had already taken away half of his life, she had no right to rob him of this.

When she had hung up on White last night, she thought she’d have more time, but her time was up now. 

Pink frowned and rubbed her temple. White had been kind, once. It was so long ago, Pink could barely remember. But she had been kind. She and Pink and Blue and Yellow had been happy together, unafraid to love each other. What had changed her? What had turned her into this?

She used to be kind. She used to be better. Was that enough?

Pink sighed. It didn’t matter. She would never forgive White;  _ could _ never forgive White. But Pearl had given Pink a second chance. Bismuth had given Pink a second chance. Steven had been robbed of half of himself just so she could have a second chance at life. She had to do something with that. Had to at least try to make things better for them.

It was the only way she could live with herself.

Screw her and her stupid heart. Pink picked up the communicator and input the code to call White Diamond.


	4. Cracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a description of a serious injury. I personally wouldn't qualify it as gory enough to be a "graphic depiction of violence" but if you are sensitive that sort of thing please be wary.

“Have you talked to Yellow yet?”

Pink glanced over at pink Pearl. The two of them were standing on the porch, enjoying the sunshine as Steven and Amethyst played Steven tag on the beach down below. Pink Pearl was watching the two of them with a mix of wonder and curiosity that painted her face quite often these days.

Pink turned back to the water. “No,” she said. “But she should be coming sometime soon.”

It had been a week since they came back from Homeworld, and life had settled into a new normal. There were defense meetings and training sessions during the day, and at night Pink would go into her ship and call White Diamond. The hours they spent talking would leave her drained, and she would spend the rest of the night in her room, fighting off memories and trying to plan for the next day. 

But there were good things, too. Like today. She got to watch Steven play with his family. He’d been so downcast lately, but during moments like these he seemed to forget himself. Sometimes he would even smile. He was smiling now. A real smile, not the ones he would put on to appease them. Seeing it was the closest to real contentment Pink could let herself feel.

But a moment later Steven tripped over a rock and went sprawling to the ground, and the creeping sense of wrongness flooded back into her. He was getting worse; she couldn’t deny that anymore. Every day he was paler and weaker. He had given up training with the rest of the crystal gems, saying he preferred to coach now, anyways. He hadn’t told Bismuth that the shield she made for him was too heavy, and he hadn’t told Connie that he could no longer keep up with her in training, but they knew. No one said anything about it, but they knew.

Down on the beach, Amethyst stopped dead in her tracks and ran over to Steven, helping him up. She handled him like he was delicate, easily breakable. Steven grinned at her and brushed her away, making some joke that Pink couldn’t hear. But it was a fake grin. They all knew it.

Amethyst laughed anyways, and Steven set his face and began running at her determinedly, as if the fall had been nothing.

At least there was that.

“Yo, pink P!” Amethyst called up to the porch. “Do you wanna join us?”

Pink Pearl looked down at them, surprised. “Really?” she called down.

“Yeah, It’s super fun!” Amethyst called. “I think you’d like it!”

Pink Pearl looked uncertain for a moment, then smiled and nodded. “Okay!” She scampered down the stairs to join Amethyst and Steven on the beach. There was a moment where Amethyst said something Pink couldn’t hear, probably explaining how to play, and then Steven lunged at them, sending the two gems running in opposite directions. Pink Pearl laughed as she ran.

Just as Amethyst was getting tagged, the door behind her creaked open. Pink turned to greet whoever was there, and stopped when she realized it was Spinel. When Spinel caught sight of Pink she grimaced and turned away. 

“Spinel!” Pink said. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Spinel crossed her arms, still facing away from Pink. “And?” she said. There was no disguising the venom that dripped from her voice.

“Listen,” Pink said. “I know nothing will make up for what I did, but...well, I just hope you’re doing alright.”

Spinel snorted and stalked away down the stairs. Pink watched her go, trying to convince herself that she had done all she could. About halfway down, Spinel caught sight of the others on the beach. Her face lit up and she jumped off the stairs, bouncing from her hands to her feet until she landed right next to them. The others greeted her like they knew each other well before the game resumed, this time with Spinel running circles around everyone else.

Pink sighed. Distantly, she heard the door creak open behind her. It was only when Garnet spoke, making her jump, that Pink fully recognized she was there.

“It’s terrible, really.” Garnet said, stepping forward.

Pink eyed her, not without a touch of nervousness. “What do you mean?”

“The diamonds hurt you,” Garnet said, “and so you hurt others. Maybe you didn’t even know any better.” She studiously looked out at the beach. “A terrible cycle.”

Pink frowned. She had tried apologizing to Garnet, when she had been able to catch her alone.  _ I’m sorry. I should have been honest with you. With all of you. _ But Garnet had just shrugged in response. It caused Pink more anxiety than she’d like to admit, not knowing where she stood with her. “It’s not fun,” she said finally, “to grow up and realize how much you’ve hurt people. And then to run away and hide with your guilt for the rest of your life.”

“Is that why you’re still talking to her?” Garnet asked. “Guilt?”

White had sent a bottle of her essence the very same day Pink had called her, within hours even. It now stood on a shelf in the temple house, next to Blue’s. 

Pink’s frown deepened. “Blue thinks I’m the only one who can get through to her. And I  _ have _ made progress. She’s setting the galaxy free.”

“Do you believe that?” Even with her visor on, Garnet’s gaze was piercing. “That you’re the only one who can help her?” She frowned, then shook her head. “Of course you do. You wouldn’t be doing it otherwise.” She was quiet for a beat. Then, “That’s hardly fair to you.” 

“No one ever said it would be fair,” Pink said quietly. “No one ever promised me I’d get to be free of them for the rest of my existence.”

“You must miss the days you were Rose,” Garnet said. 

“A little bit,” Pink admitted. “But this is better. For everyone.” 

The two of them watched Steven and the gems run around below. Pink Pearl got tagged, and tried to shapeshift into Steven. She wasn’t very good at it, and the result had everyone laughing, including her. Spinel was laughing so hard she had to sit down. Eventually, she wiped her eyes and walked over to pink Pearl. The two of them started talking, and Spinel began to show her how to shapeshift properly. The result was a pink, pointy-nosed, Steven-shaped Pearl, and a Spinel that was grinning from ear to ear.

“Better,” Garnet murmured, almost too quiet to be heard. She turned to Pink and just the hint of a smile crossed her lips. She put a hand on her arm. “Take care of yourself, Pink Diamond,” she said, and started walking down the stairs to join the gems on the beach. Pink leaned against the railing and smiled.

As she watched Steven and the other gems play down below, that feeling of peace she craved so much came back again. Just for that moment it felt like Pink existed only to soak up the sun and be with her family. The sky was brilliantly blue, clouds puffy and softer than cotton. Even the sea was friendly today. Everything was perfect.

Then Steven tripped and fell again, and whatever glass bubble Pink had built in her mind’s eye splintered. Suddenly the sky was too bright, and Pink found herself turning away from the scene below her – even as Steven got up again and waved off the others, saying he was fine – and slumped against the railing, back pressing into the wooden bars. What was the point, of all of this, if he was still hurting? She couldn’t even help her own son. That familiar emptiness began to fill her up, and she flickered. She was used to it, by now. The emptiness and the flickering. Sometimes it seemed like that was all she was made of.

Some time later – it could have been two minutes or it could have been twenty – Pink was startled from her melancholy by the sound of a scream.

She stood up and whirled around. The gems on the beach had stopped their game and were clustered around Steven. He was curled into a ball, leaving only one arm extended. Pink felt something cold wash through her. Even from far away, she knew arms should not look like that.

Pink didn’t think. She put a hand on the porch and leapt over it, not realizing what she was doing until her body was whistling through the air. Her feet hit the ground, sending shockwaves up her legs. She barely noticed the pain, already sprinting towards Steven. As she got closer she was able to see his arm more clearly, now. Half of it was shifted too far to the left, and where the shift happened she could see pieces of bone poking through...

It did not take more than a few seconds for Pink to cry.

She gathered Steven up into her arms, wincing at his sharp intake of breath when his arm moved. She could feel the magic coursing through her, now. Her tears splashed down onto him, and slowly, painfully slowly, his arm righted itself. After a few minutes, the shards of bone had retracted back into his skin and his arm had straightened out, and finally Pink sensed it was whole again. 

She pushed back the thought that came to her next:  _ he _ was not whole again. He was still pale. He was still weak. He would never be whole so long as she was here. She shuddered despite herself and shoved that thought into the farthest corner of her brain.

“Are you alright?” she asked. Steven looked up at her and tried to smile, but his lips wavered. 

“I...I’m okay,” he said. Pink forced herself to smile back and hoped her worry wasn’t peeking through. That had taken longer than it should have. Longer than it had taken the first time. She sensed that whatever the source of this weakness was, it would not be fixed with her tears. It was going to keep eating away at him, and that scared her.

But she had no time to contemplate that, because just then the communicator at her hip chimed and flashed yellow. Pink looked into the sky and could just make out something large hovering above them. It was too far away to see with any detail, but it could only really be one gem. Pink pressed a kiss to Steven’s forehead and set him down, standing up to face the ship just as her communicator relayed a message:

_ “Yellow Diamond will be entering the atmosphere.” _

Pink snorted and pressed the button to transmit. “Try again, Yellow.” She grinned up at the ship in the sky.

There was silence for a moment, then the audio line crackled to life. There came the sound of a sigh. Then, “Yellow Diamond  _ requests _ to enter the atmosphere.”

“Request accepted.” Pink turned to the others. “You all might want to go back into the house. I’m not sure how she’ll be. The others nodded solemnly and, one by one, began to walk up the beach. Steven was the last to go, shooting her a worried glance as he went. Pink smiled at him in what she hoped as a reassuring way, then turned to watch Yellow’s ship descend to Earth.

When Yellow stepped out onto the beach, Pink thought she saw curiosity in her eyes. “This is the spot we landed in last time,” she said as a greeting. “Blue and I. We came to fight.”

“I’m not surprised.” Pink said. “This is where we live, after all.”

Yellow glanced up at the house, then back down at Pink, surprised. “Even you?” She shook her head. “Do you remember the fight?”

“I wasn’t there,” Pink said. “Steven was.”

Yellow pinched her forehead with two fingers. “So he was…” she shook her head again. “Let’s talk inside my ship.” She climbed back into the open hatch, and after a moment, Pink followed.

There was something off about the ship, Pink thought. It took her a moment of listening to their footsteps echo down the halls before she placed it. They were the only ones here. Yellow’s ship was usually full of gems, bustling around, shouting orders, there had never been a moment’s peace. At least, that was how it was back when Pink was around. She had never seen Yellow truly alone before.

“Where’s your pearl?” Pink asked. Blue hadn’t had hers either, now that she thought about it.

Yellow shrugged. “Off somewhere.” She shot Pink a look, a  _ you-should-know-this-it’s-your-fault _ kind of look. “She isn’t ‘mine’ anymore. White said.”

“Oh. Of course.” Pink frowned to herself. She wondered where the pearls would go, now. It had been a while since she’d seen Blue and Yellow’s pearls, but if they were anything like how they’d been before...they’d have just lost everything that was familiar to them. Maybe one of the pearls on Earth could reach out to them. She made a mental note to talk to them about it.

After a little more walking, they finally reached Yellow’s control room. It, too, was alien in its emptiness. When she had been on Yellow’s ship before, this room had been decked out with dozens of screens, each showing status reports and flashing updates from different colonies. But now, each and every one of those screens was blank.

Yellow cleared her throat, bringing Pink’s attention back to her. “So,” she said, after a moment.

“So,” Pink answered.

“I heard from Blue that you were collecting our essences.” Yellow said.

“I am,” Pink said. “We think that we can heal the corrupted gems with them.”

“What about you? You don’t have an extraction chamber on Earth, do you?”

“No,” Pink said, “but I’ll be there. I have my healing tears.”

“I see.” Yellow pressed her lips together. “Well, here’s mine.” She waved her hand, and a part of the wall came away and floated over to Pink. It was a yellow cube, and when she grabbed onto it the top panel slid away, revealing a yellow crystalline bottle. 

Pink looked up at Yellow. “Thank you,” she said.

Yellow shrugged. “It would be interesting to actually be there when it happens,” she said. “I wonder if they’ll come back with any deformities.”

Pink frowned. “Yellow, this isn’t one of your terrible experiments.”

Yellow glanced at her in surprise. “Oh! No, I didn’t...what I mean was, every once in a while, a gem would get cracked in battle. I was never able to fix the crack, but sometimes I could...alleviate some of the physical symptoms.”

“Really?” Pink grinned at her. “Aw, you do care about others. How sweet.”

Her cheeks coloured. “Don’t be ridiculous. It just meant they’d still be able to do their work, that’s all.”

“Whatever you want to tell yourself.”

Yellow let out an overdramatic groan. “Were you always this annoying?”

“I think I used to be more annoying, actually.”

Yellow started to laugh. “Oh, Pink,” she said. “I’ve...I’m glad that you’re back.”

Pink’s smile wavered. “Careful, Yellow,” she teased. “I might start to get the idea that you missed me.”

“What?” Yellow looked at her with genuine surprise on her face. “Pink, of course we missed you.”

Perhaps she should have expected that. Pink couldn’t help herself. “You could have fooled me, back then,” she said bitterly. “I might not have left if I thought you still cared.”

Yellow stared at her for a moment. Her face was blank. “Of course we cared!” she said. “We love you. You know that.”

Pink felt her cheeks heat up. “How could I have known that?” She glared at the floor, hating herself for acting like this again. Why was she doing this? She felt like a child. “When have you ever told me? What have you ever done to show me?”

Silence for a long moment. Then, “Oh.” When Pink looked up, Yellow was stricken. She was staring at Pink with wide eyes. “How-” She tried and failed to mold her face back into something neutral. “That’s a terrible way to live,” she said quietly.

“It is.”

Silence again. Then, “How did you do it?”

“What?”

“How did you learn to live like this?” Seeing Pink’s confused face, she gestured in the direction of the temple house. “White’s set us all free, now. But I don’t know what to do. I want to...do  _ something _ . I don’t know...” she trailed off, looking at Pink hopefully.

Pink couldn’t help the resentment that rose inside of her when she realized what Yellow was asking.  _ I didn’t have any help _ , she wanted to say.  _ I had to figure out how to be better all by myself. Why should I help you? _ But that wasn’t completely true. She had had Pearl. They had grown together. So Pink sighed, and turned to Yellow.

“Well, to start, she said, “you need to accept that you’re more than whatever you were built to be. Figure out who you are. Who you want to be.”

Yellow was nodding, slowly. Pink almost expected her to be taking notes.

“Then find something that matters to you. I wanted to make a place where I could exist as Rose. So…” she gestured aimlessly. “I made that the Earth. And then I fought for it.”

Yellow’s eyes grew distant. She murmured something unintelligible, leaving Pink in uncomfortable silence. This was probably the longest she’d ever seen Yellow with her guard down. The seconds stretched on. Pink ran her hand over the yellow bottle to give herself something to do. Had Yellow forgotten she was there?

Finally, Yellow snapped out of it and turned back to Pink. “I’d like to be there, I think, for when you cure the corrupted gems. If they do end up looking...different from how they want to look, I’d like to be there to help.”

“Of course.” Pink was more than a little surprised. But then again, this was Yellow. If she put her mind to something, the rest always seemed to fall into place quickly. “I’ll call you, when it’s time.”

Yellow straightened her shoulders, back to her usual businesslike self. “Thank you.” 

That was new. Baby steps, perhaps. “I should be going,” Pink said. She gestured to the bottle in her hands. “We’ll have to take care of this.”

“Of course.” Yellow gestured towards the door, and Pink walked towards it. It slid open as she approached.

“Pink!” Yellow called out, right before she had reached the door. Her voice was thick. “Call us sometime, will you?”

Pink pressed her lips together, then nodded curtly and scampered out the door.

“Goodbye, Yellow,” she said from the hallway.

“Goodbye, Pink.” Yellow paused, then let her face flood with emotion. “I love you.” She closed the doors before Pink could say anything back. 

Pink found herself grateful for that.

When she returned to the house she found it empty except for Amethyst, who was lounging on the couch while chomping on a candy bar, wrapper and all. Pink smiled tiredly at her and Amethyst gave her a nod.

“How’d it go with Yellow?” she asked with her mouth full. 

Pink sighed. “Somewhere along the line,” she said, trying to sound playful, “‘talk to the diamonds and get their essences’ became ‘teach them how to have morals.’”

“Oof.” Amethyst burped. “That can’t be fun.”

“The words I’d use would be ‘emotionally exhausting.’” Pink said wryly. 

“I’m impressed you’re even doing it,” Amethyst said. “I don’t think I’d be strong enough to even talk to them, if they’d done all that to me.”

Pink paused, then smiled slightly. “Thank you, Amethyst.” She leaned against the counter. “Do you know where the others are?”

“They went to your fountain,” she said. “They thought maybe it would make Steven stronger if he spent some time in it.”

“Oh,” Pink said. “I hadn’t thought of that.” It wouldn’t work. Amethyst caught her eye and Pink saw that she knew it, too. If her tears couldn’t restore him to full health, the fountain couldn’t either. But Amethyst shrugged, a gesture that meant “we’ve got to at least try, right?”

Pink started. “I have an idea,” she said. She held up Yellow’s bottle of essence. “We have them all, now. What if we met them there?”

Amethyst’s face lit up. “That’s a great idea! Maybe it will cheer everyone up. I can get the gems from the basement if you call the others and tell us to meet them there.”

“Good idea. But maybe only grab one or two. This can be a trial run.” Amethyst nodded and scampered into the temple, leaving Pink alone. She grabbed the communicator and sent a message to Bismuth and Peridot – Lapis would probably be with one of them. She grabbed the other two essences from the shelf they had been on and put them in the box with Yellow’s. They were heavy in her hands. Pink set them on the table and gripped her head, leaning heavily against the counter. 

Thoughts of Steven flooded into her brain, crowding out anything that wasn’t grief and pain and worry.

She felt herself become lost to the nothingness of a flicker. It called out to her. It sung to her. It was dragging her towards it. She had to fight to return to her body, strain against the siren-like feeling of floating. 

When she opened her eyes again Amethyst was scrambling backwards to make room for her form.

“Your gem was on the floor,” she said, staring at Pink with concern. “You were gone.”

“How long?” Pink asked.

“I don’t know,” Amethyst said. “It was like that when I came in. I ran over, but by the time I got there to pick it up you were reforming again.”

Pink glanced past Amethyst; by the temple door there lay a bubbled gem. “Well,” she said, smoothing down her skirt. “That isn’t ideal, but there’s nothing to be done about it now. Shall we go to the fountain?”

“Sure.” Amethyst did not stop looking concerned. Pink did not blame her.

When they reached the fountain, the gems Pink had messaged were already there. Everyone turned to her as she and Amethyst stepped from the warp pad, bubbled gem and box of essences in tow. 

“Ladies and gentle-gems,” Amethyst announced mockingly, “Her majesty, Pink Diamond has collected the sacred essences and will now use them to restore the corrupted citizens of our kingdom!” She shapeshifted her hand into a trumpet and blew into it loudly.

Pink laughed. “Thank you, Amethyst,” she said. “But I think Steven should be the one to do it.” She gestured towards Steven, who was still in his swim trunks from the fountain. She realized she could see his ribs. 

A tear welled up in her eye. Well, at least that was taken care of.

Steven looked up at Pearl and Garnet, who were standing on either side of him. They nodded at him reassuringly, and he stepped forwards and took the box from Pink. “Thank you, mom,” he said quietly. She could see he was trying to smile.

“Oooh, I’m so excited!” Peridot squealed as they walked to the fountain together. “The healing of a corrupted gem! We are about to witness a never-before-seen event in gem history!”

“Calm down, Tiny,” Bismuth said, grinning.

Everyone stopped at the edge of the fountain except for Steven, who waded in until he was waist-deep. He set the box on the edge of the fountain and held out his hands for the bubbled gem. 

As the bubble passed into his hands Bismuth let out a small gasp. “It’s Biggs!” she whispered excitedly. Amethyst grinned at her.

“Old friend of yours?” she whispered back. Pearl shushed them both, saying something about “not distracting Steven!,” but after a moment of holding the bubble Steven turned back to them.

“Amethyst, could you pop the bubble for me?”

“Of course, dude,” Amethyst said, just a bit too quickly. The bubble popped and the gem fell into Steven’s hands. He held it carefully as one by one, he took each of the bottles and let a single drop fall from each one into the water. Blue’s was first. Her essence stained the water around Steven a brilliant cobalt. Likewise, Yellow’s stained it yellow, and White’s white. From the corner of her eye, Pink saw Peridot whispering into a recording device, eyes glued on Steven.

Steven finished capping White’s bottle and turned to Pink. “I need…” 

“Of course.” Pink said briskly. She stepped to the edge of the fountain and wiped at the tear in her eye, letting her hand drop to touch the water. A spot of bright pink bloomed from her fingers, and then the water began shimmering, reflecting blue and yellow and pink and white, colours mixing to form every shade imaginable. Pink let out an awed breath and looked back at Steven. She could see the colours reflected in his eyes as he lowered the gem into the water. 

For a moment, there was nothing. Then the gem began to glow, showing the familiar signs of a form emerging. Steven clutched his hands back to his chest and stepped away quickly, giving the gem space as she stretched out and began to take shape. There was a moment when the mass of white light looked like it was forming the silhouette of a monster, but then the light reined itself in, settling instead into a familiar jasper.

“Biggs!” Bismuth tackled her in a hug, sending them both careening into the water. When they emerged a few moments later, Biggs Jasper was smiling a bit confusedly. Her eyes scanned the crowd, lighting up in recognition as she saw Pearl and Garnet. Steven waved at her, smiling in spite of himself, and she awkwardly returned it. And then her eyes landed on Pink. 

She stiffened and took a step back, flinging her arm out in front of Bismuth. “You!” she roared. The hatred in her face burned holes into Pink. She stepped back.

“Biggs!” Bismuth grabbed her arm. “Calm down. It’s okay, she’s on our side.”

“Wha-” Biggs turned to her and gestured wildly at Pink. “She- and where’s Rose?”

Bismuth ran a hand through her hair “Ooohhh boy,” she said. “There’s a lot to explain. Well, for starters, Rose, well…”

“She’s me,” Pink said. She shifted into the form of Rose, then back again. “I was running from the diamonds too.”

Biggs Jasper’s mouth hung open. 

“Maybe it’s better if we start at the beginning,” Garnet cut in. And so as Bismuth led Biggs to the edge of the fountain and helped her onto dry land, Garnet began to tell the story of Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz. Pearl started chiming in, and Bismuth, and as the story progressed the more and more gems began to tell their parts of it. Pink smiled and watched it all happen, content to let the others talk, too tired to join in. The transition to Rose and back again had worn her out, enough that she flickered as she sat. She dipped her feet into the water, trying to fight the weariness.

After a moment, Steven waded up beside her. “Hi, mom,” he said. He pushed up out of the water and then practically collapsed onto the edge. 

“Hello, Steven,” Pink said softly.

“It worked,” he said.

“It did.”

The two stared at the water for a moment.

“What now?” Steven asked finally. “I guess we cure the other gems. And then...”

“The diamonds want to come,” Pink said. “They told me they want to be there when it happens.”

“Oh.” Steven stared at the water.

“It’s your decision, though,” Pink said. “I won’t make them come if you don’t want them there.”

Steven looked down at his stomach, absently resting a hand over where his gem should be. He was quiet for a long time.

“That’s...a good thing,” he said finally. His voice was laced with uncertainty. “That they want to make things better.”

Pink didn’t say anything, just nodded.

“And they deserve a chance,” he said quietly. His voice was resigned. “We should invite them.”

“If you’re sure,” Pink said. Steven looked away, but he nodded.

They were quiet for a moment. Pink could hear the others telling their story to Biggs. Peridot was explaining the fight with Blue and Yellow, retelling how Lapis had dropped a barn on Blue. “It was amazing!” her bubbly voice drifted past Pink’s ears.

“I guess it  _ was _ pretty cool,” Lapis said. Pink didn’t need to turn around to know she was grinning.

She looked back to Steven. He was staring down at his lap as he listened, hands wrapped around his elbows. He squeezed his eyes shut. As the story grew closer to its end he began to shake, tears splashing down onto his knees as he cried silently.

“Oh, Steven,” she said softly. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. There was nothing to say.

After a few long minutes in which Pink tried to push down her own grief at seeing him like this, Steven sniffed loudly and wiped his eyes. He took a shaky breath and set his hands down on his knees, letting it out slowly. Only then did he turn to face her.

“Are you alright?” she asked. Stupid. Stupid question.

“Tired,” he said after a moment. “I’m just tired.”

Something in his voice spoke to the emptiness she was trying so hard to repress. She nodded. “I know what you mean,” she said. “Me too.”


	5. Hope, and Other Heavy Things

On the day the diamonds were set to arrive, Pink and the crystal gems spent the morning clearing the temple of bubbled gems. Armful by armful, all of the bubbles were warped to the fountain and set to float in the water. Even with ten of them working it took all morning. They took a break for lunch when they were done. Greg joined them, pulling a grill from the depths of his van and cooking hotdogs for the humans and Amethyst. Everyone did their best to relax, chatting quietly, laughing; enjoying each other’s company. The humans got out their instruments and began to play together. Steven actually seemed happy for once, strumming his ukelele alongside Connie’s violin without a care in the world. But there was no mistaking the sense of unease in the air as they waited for the diamonds to arrive. 

The calm before the – well, it wouldn’t be a storm, exactly. At least she hoped not. Pink frowned up at the sky. It had no business being this shade of carefree blue, not when the diamonds could descend from it at any moment. 

Greg saw her staring and nudged her with his shoulder. “Got any advice for interacting with the in-laws?” He grinned.

Pink laughed softly. “With any luck, you won’t have to.”

“Fair enough,” He scratched his chin mock-thoughtfully. “One of them  _ did _ take me to an isolated habitat in the middle of space and left me there.”

Before Pink could reply, a shadow passed over the group. Conversations died off, replaced with tense silence as everyone looked up. The diamonds’ ship hung in the sky, blocking out the sun. They all watched it descend, painfully slowly. After what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes, it finally landed with a thud that shook the ground. 

Despite herself, Pink gulped. Slowly, she stood up and began making her way towards the ship. Compared to it she couldn’t help but feel very small. She frowned, frustrated with herself. She had no reason to fear the diamonds. They would not hurt her or her friends, and if they tried she could send them running back to Homeworld. But the nerves did not come from the fear of that. No, this was something else. Something older and buried.

Pink felt a hand grip hers. She looked down in surprise to find Pearl there, walking beside her. Pearl glanced at her out of the corner of her eyes and gave a reassuring smile. Pink’s face softened. Garnet fell into step on her other side; she did not smile, but her stony face made Pink feel at ease anyways. 

As the three of them approached the ship a bubble emerged from its face, drifting downwards. They stopped as it landed before them, melting away to reveal the diamonds in all of their glory.

Blue had her hands clasped together and was smiling hopefully at her. Yellow was standing tall but she could not hide the curiosity in her eyes as she looked over the hundreds of bubbled gems. And White, well, White was there, surveying the scene with just the smallest hint of disdain. Her eyes lit up when they landed on her, though, and she clasped her hands together and smiled. Pink had been surprised, when White had accepted her invitation to come to Earth. But as White smiled down at her hopefully, Pink thought she knew why now.

“Pink!” White said warmly. “It’s so good to see you again.”

“White,” Pink nodded at her calmly. “Yellow, Blue. Thank you for coming.”

“We’re happy to help,” Blue said softly, “and honored that you’ll have us.” Yellow rolled her eyes at that, but only because she couldn’t be sincere to save her life. Pink smiled at them.

“This fountain,” she gestured behind her, “was one of the first things we built here. When I step into it, it extracts my essence and dissolves it throughout the water, which can then be used to heal gems. This will work for all of us, letting us cure all of the corrupted gems at once.”

“Fascinating,” Yellow said. “How did you get it to work? You’ll have to tell me more about how you built it.”

“It was Bismuth, mostly,” she said. “Are you all ready?” Blue and Yellow nodded. White wrinkled her nose when she looked at the fountain, but eventually nodded as well. Pink led them around towards the north end of the fountain, where her statue was. They passed the other gems on the way. Bismuth had her arms crossed and was regarding the diamonds with the same look of cautioned disdain that White had just had. Lapis was leaning against a hedge and ignoring them as Peridot talked her ear off about something technical. 

Pearl and Garnet walked beside her until they reached Amethyst, Connie, and Steven, who were talking among each other and trying not to stare. Greg had made himself scarce for the time being. As they passed, Blue paused.

“Hello, Steven,” she smiled down warmly at him.

Steven stiffened. “Hello, Blue. Yellow, White.” He nodded at them, shifting uncomfortably.

“You should join us at the head of the fountain,” Blue said. “You are family, after all.”

“Oh.” Steven hesitated. He opened his mouth to say something – probably to agree, despite himself – but Pink cut him off. “Unfortunately, he needs to stay here, by the corrupted gems. It’s my understanding that he partially healed some of them in the past, so his being there when they reform might help ease them.”

“Oh,” Blue said, disappointed. “Perhaps later, then.” She waved at Steven, who shot Pink a grateful glance, and began to walk towards the north end again. Yellow and White followed.

Pink stayed behind for a moment more. “You two should stay here, too,” she said to Garnet and Pearl. “You know these gems.”

“So do you!” Pearl protested, but Pink shook her head firmly.

“Yes, but they don’t know me as Pink. Besides, I need to be up there with them.” She gestured towards the diamonds. 

Pearl hesitated, then threw her arms around Pink. “Keep an eye on them, then,” she said as she stepped away. “Make sure they don’t do anything nasty.” She turned and walked over to the others.

“Very noble of you, Pink Diamond.” Garnet said, almost accusingly. 

Pink turned to her and smiled wryly. Her eyes quickly flickered towards Steven and back again. “My weapon is a shield, after all.” She turned away and walked quickly to catch up with the diamonds, trying to push down her nerves. The four of them walked the rest of the way to the north end in silence. When they reached the head, Pink was the first one to step in. The familiar machinery of the fountain’s collection apparatus whirred to life beneath her; she felt it as much as she heard it.

“As long as you stay by the statue,” she said, pointing to the statue of herself as Rose, “it will continue to work.” As if it heard her, the statue began to flow, rivulets of pink-tinted water spilling out of its eyes. Just an hour spent here would power the fountain for years – Pink swore Bismuth worked magic with her designs.

Blue entered after her without much hesitation. She lifted up her skirt and stepped gracefully into the fountain, settling down on her knees. The water coming out of the statue’s eyes became tinted with blue instead of pink, and she peered at it curiously.

“Fascinating,” she said. “Yellow, come look at this.”

Yellow stepped in as well, crouching over the statue just as the water from its eyes tinted yellow. “The statue must power the entire water flow mechanism,” she mumbled to herself. “So the essence is dispersed through here.” She turned to Pink as she sat down, on the opposite side of the statue from Blue. “Remarkable design.”

White hesitated for a long moment, then finally stepped slowly into the fountain, one perfect foot following the other. The change was immediate: iridescent shimmering streams of water began pouring out of the statue’s eyes, until the entire fountain looked like the surface of a soap bubble. 

“Beautiful,” Blue murmured.

Pink looked out across the rest of the fountain. Slowly, at first, but with increasing speed, the bubbles were popping and gems were emerging. She saw horns on some, extra appendages on others, but all of them had light in their eyes. They had changed, but they were whole again. Steven swum around with Connie, talking and laughing with gems like they were old friends. Pink saw so many gems that she knew, gems she never thought she’d see again, and her heart ached to be with them. At the other end of the fountain, Pearl and Garnet began to cry and clutch each other. A tear escaped her own eye. More fuel for the fountain, she thought hollowly. She turned back to the diamonds.

“I can’t believe it.” Blue was looking out at the crowd of reborn gems with awe. “This is incredible.”

“A moment that will go down in our history, for sure,” Yellow said. She was glancing at a cluster of quartzes with curiosity. “They  _ did _ come back with…” her mouth started to shape the word  _ deformities _ , but Pink stared at her and she caught herself, “differences. I wonder if I were to…” she made as if to pluck a quartz out of the water, but Blue stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Later, Yellow,” she said. Yellow frowned before nodding and drawing her hand back. 

“Do you remember when you first learned to create bubbles like those, Pink?” Blue asked.

Pink glanced at her. “Maybe? I’m not sure.”

“You called us all to your room one day,” Blue said, “and then you began to juggle them. You could even do it while balancing on a larger bubble.” She grinned. “It was hilarious.”

Yellow chuckled. “I remember that,” she said. 

“I think I do, too, now that you mention it,” Pink said. She glanced towards White. What she remembered most from that day was how White had screamed at her afterwards.  _ Is that any way for someone of your status to behave? _

“It  _ was _ funny,” White said. There was a hint of a smile on her face. 

Pink blinked at her. A quiet sense of wrongness began to creep into her head. She realized her entire body was tensed, as if she were about to go into a battle, and fought to relax.

“Is it true you live in that house by the ocean, Pink?” Blue asked. “Yellow told me you had said so.”

Pink nodded.

“Really?” Blue’s eyebrows furrowed. “But it’s so…”

“That’s what I thought, too!” Yellow cut in. “Pink, you must borrow some Bismuths to build something more...dignified for yourself. I know you must have been short on resources, during the...well, you know, but I’m sure we could help you put together something better.”

Pink grit her teeth. “Thank you, Yellow, but I like the temple house just fine as it is.”

“Oh.” Yellow looked genuinely surprised. “Right, of course.”

“Don’t be mad at her, Pink,” Blue said worriedly. “She only thought-”

Pink blinked. “I’m not...why would I be mad?”

“Oh. Um...” 

Pink stared up at the other diamonds. They were all looking down at her, cautious, hopeful, uncertain. They were all looking to her, Pink realized. Looking to her to approve of what they said. 

They were treating her like she was White.

She recognised the feeling of wrongness, now. That feeling she had felt after calling White the first time, that creeping  _ thing _ that had invaded her mind and made her feel hollow, was coming back. Pink shifted uncomfortably. “I always thought the palace was too big, anyways” she said. “I like living somewhere smaller. I feel closer to the crystal gems that way.”

“The palace  _ is _ quite big,” Blue said, and Yellow nodded.

“I was thinking of opening it to the public,” White said. Blue and Yellow stared at her, surprised. “We certainly aren’t using it very much anymore, now that the empire is…I mean, I spend so much time inside my ship anyways, I certainly don’t need a lot of the space.”

She was trying, Pink thought. That should count for something. In the grand scheme of things, it probably did. But it did not put her at ease.

Yellow turned to Pink and smiled. “Well then, when you visit us you might find our new living quarters shrunken, too.”

White glanced sharply at Yellow, and Pink saw genuine fear in her eyes.

“Yes,” Pink said smoothly. “If I come back that might very well be the case.”

Yellow turned from White to Pink, and something rigid in her gave way.

“Oh Pink,” Yellow put her head in her hands. “I keep saying the wrong thing. And, I don’t want to be saying- I want you to- I just mean, I’m so glad to have you back, and I don’t want to ruin this again.”

Pink stared at her. “Me, too,” Blue said. “We missed you so much, Pink. Having you back...it’s like a dream come true.”

White glanced hesitantly at Blue, and then nodded. “It’s true,” she said. “We’re so happy to have you back, Pink.”

“I…” Pink hesitated.  _ This is wrong.  _ Their eyes burned into her. “I know you all have good intentions. You don’t need to worry about that. And I did not change so much without making mistakes along the way.”

She saw all three diamonds visibly relax, and knew only she had heard the touch of hollowness in her own voice. The conversation shifted to other things, Blue telling stories from their past that Pink would rather not remember, and Yellow talking about a future she wasn’t sure she wanted a part of. And White was staring at her the whole time, falling head over heels to make sure no one said the wrong thing to her, trying her best to make everything perfect.

But as Pink glanced at White for the twentieth time, she realized it didn’t matter how hard she was trying. They deserved another chance, she knew. They deserved the opportunity to be better. But seeing them all together like this, looming over her...she couldn’t stand it anymore. That feeling, that any instant they would turn and scream at her, or throw her into a dark room and lock the doors, had taken her over. It was overpowering, crowding out her ability to think. She stood up abruptly, interrupting something Yellow was saying.

“Excuse me for a moment,” she said, and began to wade away from them. She caught sight of Pearl and Garnet on the side of the fountain. Without thinking, she dove forward and began to swim, hiding her face from the staring gems all around her. The water was cool and refreshing on her tensed face, and it forgave her when she wept. 

There were echoes, of what they had once had together. Sometimes, when Blue smiled or Yellow laughed, she could see it. But the truth of it was that there was no going back, and there would be no rebuilding it. She had hoped, as if the years between then and now would disappear if she gave it enough time, gave them enough chances. But no. Pink let her tears leak out into the water, mourning the diamonds and who they had been.

When she neared the edge, Pink wiped her eyes and waded the rest of the way over to Garnet and Pearl.

How’s it going over there?” Pearl asked sympathetically as Pink pushed herself out of the fountain. 

“It’s fine,” she said. She looked at them, then sighed. “It’s not fine. I hate it. I don’t want to talk to them, not all together like this, maybe not at all.” She barely even noticed it when she flickered.

Garnet nodded, and Pearl put a hand on her arm. “You don’t have to go back,” she said. “Come say hello to our friends with us.”

Pink let out a pained smile. She flickered again. “But don’t I? They’re my family. They’re trying. And if I leave right now they’ll just come find me again, and I don’t want them anywhere near you.”

“What about you?” Garnet asked. “You don’t look well. This isn’t good for you.”

“Being alive again isn’t good for me, Garnet,” Pink said wryly. She took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I can get through one more afternoon with them.” For your sake.

We’ll be here for you, when you’re done,” Pearl said, and Garnet nodded.

Pink smiled gratefully. “Thank you. I love you both.” She turned around and slipped back into the water, wading back to the diamonds. They looked at her curiously as she returned, and she steeled herself.

“Just a technicality of something we’re working on,” she said. “I wanted to mention it to Pearl before I forgot.” They nodded, and she could almost see them choosing to accept what she had said instead of questioning it.

“I was wondering,” Blue said to her, “What do you want us to do with the zoo?”

Pink took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and got on with it.

Life went on. Days passed, and she reintroduced herself to old friends, some of whom even took it well. She spent time with her family, and talked to the diamonds remotely; it took less time than she expected before the empire was effectively gone. Steven opened Earth to anyone who wanted help adjusting, and soon the number of gems that lived around beach city warranted discussions of building a place for them all.

The crystal gems no longer had a war to fight. They spent plenty of time helping reborn and refugee gems, but with the threat of invasion finally gone, all of them stepped a little lighter and smiled a little more. There was more time to relax and let go and just enjoy being together.

But as life for everyone else seemed to get better, Steven got progressively worse. He got weaker, walked more slowly, even the smiles he faked for the crystal gems came less and less often. He grew dangerously thin, and more than once Pink saw him leaning on Connie for support. Everyone tried their best to be cheerful for him, but when he turned away there was no masking their worry. Her tears did nothing now; they could not replace something that was missing.

And that was why, one summer night, Pink came to her decision. It was almost two months after she had come back. The crystal gems were watching a movie together, all piled up on the couches in their living room. Greg was asleep in Pink’s arms. Idly, she glanced over at Steven. He was leaning against Connie, shivering despite the heat. Pink frowned to herself. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she had nothing left to do. She had told herself that she would do something good with this second life, and she had done it. The corrupted gems were back. The empire was over. The people she’d hurt...she’d done all she could for them. She was content with herself, or as content as she could be.

And more importantly than all of that, she couldn’t stand seeing him like this anymore. Her eyes slid over Amethyst and Garnet and Pearl, and her heart ached. But she had done it before; she was strong enough to do it again.

She just needed a little more time. Just a little more time, so she could say her goodbyes.


	6. The Art of Saying Goodbye (Again)

She started by visiting Homeworld. In a strange way, it felt like both the hardest and the easiest to get over with. Late that same night, right before dawn, she warped away from the cool darkness of Earth to the persistent brightness of Homeworld, where the air was stale and smelled like rock dust. 

At a first glance, it seemed that the warp pad was the only thing that hadn’t changed. Half of the buildings around her were in the process of being dismantled, or gutted, or turned into something else. There was change in the air, the persistent knowledge of things in motion.

The palace lay in front of her, but where the white steps were usually kept bare and pristine, now they were covered with gems of all shapes and sizes. Some walked with purpose, sure, but some seemed to be just milling around. All of them stopped in their tracks and stared when they realized who they were looking at. Pink didn’t need to hear the whispers to know what was being said. She did her best to ignore them and forced her head high as she strode into the palace.

The walls were missing, she noticed with a smile. There were gems inside the palace too, staring up at art, or exploring the panels in the control rooms. They were talking among themselves, smiling and laughing. Pink even thought she saw a fusion walking freely around. But all fell silent as she passed, the whispers trailing behind her. She did her best not to let it phase her as she strode towards Blue’s room. 

“Pink!” Blue’s face lit up when she entered. She was relaxing with her feet in a shallow pool, running a comb through her hair. “It’s so nice to see you again.” As her eyes searched Pink’s, her face fell. “It’s bad news, isn’t it?”

“You won’t like it, at least,” Pink said, and began to explain. 

When she was done, Blue was quiet for a long, long moment. A few silent teardrops escaped her eyes, splashing down into her lap.

“You’ve only just come back,” she said. Her voice was heavy. “You’ve only just come back, and already you’ve done so much for us. So much for the galaxy, it isn’t  _ fair _ that you need to leave. You deserve to live and be free and be  _ happy _ ...” Tears dripped down her face. “I just want you to be happy.”

“This  _ is _ the only thing that will make me happy,” she said quietly, firmly. “I love him more than anything.” 

After a moment, Blue nodded. “This world is so cruel,” she said quietly. “To bring you back to us just to take you away again.”

“Then make it better.” It came out more accusatory than intended, but Pink didn’t think she noticed.

Blue sniffed. “I’ll miss you,” she said. “More than you can know.”

Pink bit her tongue and nodded. Whatever she could say to that would only hurt her.

They shared one last long hug, and then Pink left, pushing back doubt as she made her way to Yellow.

Yellow was just as surprised as Blue to see her back on Homeworld. She was silent during the explanation, silent afterwards. In fact, she was so still Pink would have thought she wasn’t alive, if not for the fact that her eyes were bright and troubled.

After an eternity of quiet, Yellow spoke. “I don’t understand,” she said. There was just a tinge of indignation in her voice. “We’re all trying so hard to be better. We’ve done everything you wanted, and you just leave?”

“Is that the only reason you were doing it?” Pink said coldly. 

It seemed to be enough to shame Yellow into abandoning that particular argument. “I don’t want you to leave,” she said bitterly. Sadly. “I want…” her voice cracked. “Do you remember our conversation on my ship? I figured out what matters to me, Pink. I want a chance to make things up to you. I want to make things better.”

For the dozenth time, Pink bit down words that she knew would hurt. “You can still make things better for others,” she said. “But Steven is dying. I can’t just let him go, not when I can do something about it.”

Yellow frowned to herself. “I would do the same for you, if I could.” So quiet she almost whispered. She straightened. “Goodbye, Pink. We’ll miss you.”

Yellow was not a hugger, but as Pink left she extended her hand, and after a moment, Pink grasped it tightly. Yellow squeezed her hand until it hurt before letting Pink go again, and as she turned away her shoulders began to shake slightly. Pink slipped out of the room before she heard anything.

That left only White. Pink found herself slowing down as she approached White’s chambers, but no matter how slowly her feet moved she was still going forwards, and it wasn’t long before she stood before the grand, pristine double doors that marked the entrance. She hesitated for a long moment before knocking.

The doors automatically slid open for her – she  _ was _ a diamond, after all – and revealed White. She was sitting at a desk with her back to Pink, hunched over a large crystalline tablet.

“Yellow?” she murmured, tapping out something rapidly, “Is that you? I was hoping to get your advice on-” as she turned, her eyes landed on Pink, and the tablet clattered to the floor.

“Pink,” she breathed, barely even a whisper. She reached out a hand to...hug her? Hold her? It didn’t matter; White’s hand stopped before she got too close. 

Pink swallowed and straightened her chin. “Hello, White.”

“I wasn’t expecting…” White’s eyes were wide and shining. “Why are you here?”

Pink steadied herself. “I want to say goodbye.”

“You’re leaving?” White furrowed her brow. “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere.” Pink said. “I’m going to give up my physical form so Steven can be whole again. I’m going to stop existing. Permanently this time.”

White’s mouth opened, then closed again. Pink saw a dozen things cross her face. Refusal. Acceptance. Despair. She did not want Pink to leave. She did not want to try to stop her.

But she voiced none of it, instead only asking, “How do you know it will work?”

Pink thought for a moment. “I just know it.”

It was proof of how much she had changed that she didn’t press any further. Or perhaps she just didn’t want to anger Pink. It was hard to tell, and at the moment, Pink couldn’t bring herself to care. 

“If that’s what you want,” was all she said. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again, turning away as she did so. 

“Is there anything you need from me?” she asked.

“I want you and Blue and Yellow to be there,” she said, “for Steven, If he ever wants to talk to you.”

White straightened. “Of course.” She turned back to face Pink. A moment passed, where Pink thought she was going to talk again, to say  _ something _ . “I guess this is goodbye, then.”

“I guess it is,” Pink said evenly. She stared up into White’s eyes, unflinching. She wanted to scream at her.  _ This is your last chance! _ “Good luck, White. I wish you the best.”

White nodded, and Pink left, feeling White’s eyes burning into her back the entire time. 

As she walked back through the palace, Pink found herself fighting back tears. She felt hollow. She was a fool for hoping for more from her. Maybe she deserved this disappointment.

But was it really such a terrible thing to hope people would be better than they were?

She all but ran down the palace steps, ignoring the whispers and stares with ease this time. Sentimentality was gone from her now – it did not matter that this was the last glance she’d get of the palace, of Homeworld. She was done with this place and the memories that came with it.

She stepped onto the warp pad and it hummed to life, ready to take her back home. She had already begun the warp when she heard it, crystal-clear and desperate and unmistakably White.

“Pink!”

Pink turned back. They were standing in the doorway together, all looking at her. Blue was weeping silently, large tears rolling off of her cheeks and splashing onto the ground below. She was trying her best to smile as she waved. Yellow’s lips were pressed together as she nodded goodbye. She looked as strong as ever, but there were tearstains on her cheeks and she was gripping Blue’s wrist tightly for support. Pink wondered if she even knew she was doing it. And White...White stood over them both, staring at Pink like she was the only thing in the world that mattered. Pink saw more honesty in that one look than she had seen in thousands of years. As Pink began to warp away, she saw White’s lips move. The rushing sound of the warp drowned out the three words, but Pink thought she knew what they were anyways.

As the warp flung her body back to Earth, Pink smiled to herself sadly, full of bittersweet sorrow. It wasn’t nearly enough, in the end. But it was something.

Back on Earth, the rushing sound of the warp was replaced by the much gentler rushing of the waves. She stood there for a moment, letting thoughts of Homeworld float away. After a moment she realized she could pick out the gentle strum of a guitar among the waves. She smiled, and made her way down the beach until she found Greg.

He was sitting with his back against the rocks, picking out a simple melody as he watched Steven and Connie play by the water. She could see the tension in him despite the peaceful music; against the bright morning sky, Steven looked almost ghostlike. Connie was on edge, too; careful to watch her step around him and be there if he fell. She was trying her best, but well, there was only so much you could do to pretend your best friend wasn’t dying.

Greg looked up as he approached, fingers not missing a note. He smiled up at her; tired eyes and a face stained with worry.

“Hello, my love,” she said as she sat next to him.

“Feeling better?” he asked. “You look it.” 

“I do?” Pink thought back, and realized she hadn’t flickered since the night before. “I guess I am.”

He leaned against her shoulder and smiled. “That’s nice to hear.”

Pink stared out at Steven. He was breathing hard to keep up with Connie, face stained with sweat. “Greg,” she said. “I have something I need to tell you.”

“Hmmm?”

“I’m going to leave again.”

“Leave?” He followed her gaze towards Steven. “Oh.” He was quiet for a moment. “Do you think it will work like last time?”

“I think it will work better,” she said honestly. “I think this time, I won’t be able to come back.”

“Oh.” He turned to her. “Okay.” He fought to keep his voice under control. “When?”

“Tonight.”

“That’s not very much time,” he said. She put her arms around him, and he relaxed into her embrace. 

“I can’t wait any longer,” she said honestly. “He’s...I’m worried that…”

“I know.”

She smiled sadly. “Take care of him for me, will you?”

“Don’t worry about him. He’s got a big family.” He stared out at the ocean. “I’m gonna miss you every day. We all will. But well...I understand.”

She laughed hollowly. “It’s a bit, cruel, isn’t it. Especially for him. He never knew me, and now he’s going to have real memories to mourn over.”

“Can’t change the way things played out,” Greg said. “You just have to learn to live with it.” He tilted his face upwards to look at the sky. “It was nice, having you back for a bit. A break from the grief. And I’m glad he got to meet you.”

“I’m glad, too,” she said softly. “To have this time with everyone. With him.” She looked down. “With you.” They kissed, and Pink felt her body grow warm from the inside. Her heart ached when they broke away.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked. “To help this go smoothly?”

She thought. “Yes, actually. Do me a favor and spread the word that there’s going to be a party tonight.”

He nodded and put his guitar to the side before standing up, brushing the sand from his legs. “A party, huh? I’m great at those.”

She smirked at him. “Oh, and one more thing.”

He turned to her, expectant.

“Can I borrow your video camera?”

The night air was cool enough to send a chill down Pink’s spine, but she barely noticed it. The sun had just set, and now the beach was illuminated by strings of lights that waved gently in the wind. She stood on the porch, watching the crowd of gems and humans below dance and talk with each other. The sound of their chatter floated up to her ears. 

She had said goodbye to almost everyone – pink Pearl had cried, Bismuth had nodded solemnly – but repetition didn’t make it easier. She had seen Spinel at one point, dancing in the crowd, bouncing around almost like her old self. For a moment she thought of talking to her one last time, but decided against it. Sometimes nothing was the best you could do.

“You don’t seem very happy.” Pink glanced over and found Garnet standing next to her. She was still as a statue, no indication that she had just been talking. Just like she had been for the past two months, around Pink. Rigid.

Pink raised an eyebrow. “Any particular reason I should be?”

“You’ve got quite a lot to celebrate. The war is over. The galaxy is free.” Garnet glanced out at the crowd on the beach. “We have our friends back, all because of you. Quite the list of accomplishments, I’d say.”

“Hmmm.” Pink looked off distantly. “I had to make it worth  _ something. _ ”

A stiff nod was the only response she got.

“Garnet,” she said impulsively, “I get the feeling you don’t forgive me. For what I’ve done. Is that true?”

To her credit, Garnet looked taken aback. She frowned. “I…”

“It’s okay, if you don’t,” Pink said, and immediately cringed. Who was she to tell her what was okay?

“ _ I don’t know,” _ Garnet said frustratedly. “ _ I don’t know _ how to feel about you. You were surrounded by people who were saying everything would be better if Pink Diamond was gone for good. How can I blame you for lying, when you had to live with that?” She looked at Pink. For a moment her face slipped, and she was confused and vulnerable. “I don’t blame you. But it still hurts, I…I can’t just let it go.”

Pink took a long moment to think of what to say to that.

“I can empathize,” she said finally. “Being so uncertain about how to feel about someone. Someone you...care about.” She glanced uncertainly at Garnet. “And I can also understand that sometimes, apologies aren’t good enough.”

Garnet sighed, but it wasn’t a frustrated sound. “I’m sorry for being so closed off these past few months. I just didn’t know how to act around you again. You heard about the wedding; I assume you know what happened before that.” Pink nodded. “Ruby and Sapphire...they were able to reconcile with each other, but neither of them were expecting this. They weren’t expecting to confront you so soon after the truth came out, and neither of them were ready for it.”

“I don’t blame you,” Pink said softly. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.” She paused for a moment, looking down at the beach thoughtfully. “You know,” she said, “you never needed me. You knew right from the start you wanted to be together. But I think, back then, I needed you. I was so lost, when we first met, and you gave me a taste of something new, something different and beautiful. You gave me a future to fight for. A glance of a time when I could be unafraid to love again.” She wiped a tear from her eye, only half-surprised at its appearance. “So, thank you.”

From the corner of her eye she saw Garnet touch her forehead and frown. The realization dawned on her face. “Oh no,” she whispered. “When did you…?”

It seemed that not having to say it made the moment no less painful. ‘Last night.”

“That’s why I couldn’t see it until…” she turned to Pink, her glasses disappearing. Her eyes were wide and shining with unspilled tears. 

“I’ll miss you,” Pink said softly. The tears spilled over in both of their eyes and Garnet reached out and pulled her into a hug.

“I love you, Pink,” Garnet said as she stepped back. “Even with everything. I love you and I’ll miss you.”

Pink took in a breath and squeezed her eyes shut. It meant so much more now. Especially because she had not let herself hope for it. “This is going to be even harder than it was last time,” she said shakily. She opened her eyes and smiled sadly at Garnet. “Take care of him for me.”

“We will.” Garnet wiped her eyes. “We all will.” She shot Pink a shaky smile of her own – full of sorrow and hope – and slipped inside.

Pink sighed and looked out at the ocean, trying to calm herself and the aching in her chest. Down below her, Greg took the stage and started playing one of his songs, causing a cheer to rise from the crowd. She could see Steven and Connie dancing together up by the stage. Further down, Lapis was flying in circles as she held hands with Peridot. Amethyst had grabbed Bismuth, and the two were only slightly off-beat. Even pink Pearl and Spinel were on the dance floor, giggling together as they tried and failed to imitate human dancing.

“Not in the mood for dancing tonight?”

Pink turned around. Pearl stood in the doorway, grinning up at her.

Pink grinned back. “What are you talking about? I  _ love _ dancing.” Her face fell. “But yes, I guess tonight I’m not.”

“You should go down.” Pearl joined her at the balcony. “It’s your party, after all.”

“Hmmm.” Pink frowned to herself. “Maybe in a minute.”

“Garnet came in a few minutes ago,” Pearl said. She stared out at the ocean. “She said I should come talk to you.”

“Of course.” Pink sucked in a breath. “Pearl, I...I love you. A lot. You’ve been there with me since almost the beginning of all this. But you don’t need me. I mean, look at who you’ve become! Don’t mistake me, I was devastated to leave you all behind the first time. But you don’t  _ need _ me.

“I hope you know that I didn’t choose Greg over you, when I left. I chose Steven over both of you.”

“And you’d do it again, wouldn’t you?” Pearl interrupted. She stared up at Pink, eyes shining in the moonlight.

Pink shut her mouth and nodded.

“And you  _ will _ do it again, won’t you.”

It wasn’t a question. Something settled in the back of her throat, and Pink found she could only nod.

Pearl sighed and dropped her eyes. “I know,” she said. She straightened her shoulders, slightly, and it was as if something inside of her snapped into place. She threw her arms around Pink, clinging tightly, and kissed her. When the shock died down, Pink realized something warm was fluttering inside of her. Similar, but not altogether the same, as what Greg had made her feel; it was bittersweet and hinted at things that could have been.

Pearl pulled away, leaving them both gasping. “Old habits.” she said, once she had caught her breath. “You bring them out of me. I’d wanted to do that for so long.” She frowned to herself. “Funny. It doesn’t feel like I thought it would.”

“Finally over me?” Pink was only half-serious, but the nod Pearl gave in response was fully so. She could have sworn her eyes darted over to Bismuth below, but it was too quick for her to be sure. “I’m glad,” Pink said softly. “That might make it easier.”

Pearl laughed. “No, it won’t.” She looked up at Pink, and her eyes were heavy now. “I’m going to miss you every day,” she said. “But I love Steven too. I understand.”

Pink smiled, because if she didn’t smile, she would start to cry. “I’ll be leaving him in good hands,” she said.

“You will.” She saw Pearl straighten, and force herself to grin. “Now, come on. You threw this party, and I refuse to let you just mope around up here forever.” She grabbed Pink’s arm and dragged her down the stairs to the dance floor. When she finally released her Pink shot her a thankful smile, and let herself get swept away by the music. She whirled around the dance floor, sharing dances with old friends and new ones and sometimes only barely holding back tears, until the night had grown soft and the music playing from the speakers was slow and melodic. She could feel the party winding down around her as one by one, gems and humans left for the quiet and comfort of their homes. But Pink was not done yet. She had one more person to say goodbye to.

She found Steven sitting with his back pressed up against the side of the stage. His face was wan, and there were bags under his eyes. She sat next to him, and the two watched the waves in silence for a while.

Finally, he spoke. “This was a good idea, throwing a party and all.”

Pink nodded. “Did you have fun?”

He smiled tiredly and nodded.

“Steven, I-” Pink found that she couldn’t speak. Something was clogging her throat.

“It’s okay, mom.” Steven said. He was looking up at her. “You love me. You’re sorry. I know.”

She nodded, trying with every inch of her being not to cry as he stood up. 

“I’m going to go to bed,” he said, and she could hear the exhaustion in his voice. “I love you.”

She could only manage a whisper, but she finally got the words out. “I love you so much,” she said. He hugged her once before leaving. She watched as he made his way over the sand, stumbling as he did so.

“I love you,” she said, and only the night heard her.

Pink sat at the end of his bed, watching him sleep. Even resting he looked sick. She had heard that the creases of a person smoothed out when they were asleep, but while Steven’s face may look more at peace, she could still sense he was hurting. No escape.

She took his hand. It was light but warm in hers. Pink glanced back at the doors to the temple. Her heart ached, and she let herself weep. This was it, then. She would never see any of them again. No more joking conversation with Amethyst. No more quiet moments with Garnet. No more Pearl, no more Greg, no more Steven. The finality of it all was so much more real this time; it crushed her. She cried until she had nothing left, until she thought she’d die if she thought about it any more, and then she turned to Steven.

She could feel something in him calling out, begging to be made whole again, and as she held his hand she let herself go.

There was a rushing sensation, and she felt some part of herself flowing into him, eagerly filling all of the emptiness he held. Pink took a long, shuddering breath. This was good. This was right. This was how it was supposed to be. Already, he had more colour to his cheeks, already he breathed a little easier. She smiled, and soon she felt herself slipping away. It was like falling asleep. Something inside of her finally felt at peace. Pink dimly realized that she no longer felt heavy. She was finally floating. Floating away, until…

* * *

It had seemed, for the past few months, that Steven could feel nothing but empty. It was a strange emptiness, an aching one. The kind of emptiness that could only happen when you’ve very literally lost yourself.

Eventually, he could almost accept it. The pain would strengthen and lessen, and he would get better and worse. Mostly worse. But he was strong, and he could almost get used to the persistent, aching knowledge that he would never be whole again. 

Until one morning, he woke up and he felt something different. Familiar. There was something flowing through him that was more than blood, something he hadn’t even recognized as magical before it was taken away from him. But it was back, humming through him sweetly like it had never been gone.

Steven sat up. Tentatively, he grasped the hem of his pajama shirt and lifted it. The diamond was there, shining proudly.  _ His _ gem. Steven dropped his shirt in surprise and scrambled to his feet. It was back. He could  _ feel _ it. And with it he could feel a sense of solidness, a sense of wholeness that had been missing. Steven squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated, trying to coalesce the familiar magic inside of him into something he could use. It was clumsy at first, but after only a few seconds he was able to summon his shield. He stared at it in amazement before letting it drop to the floor. This time he grabbed the hem of his shirt tightly and yanked it up without hesitation. It was back! But that meant…

“Steven!”

Steven turned around. Connie was standing in the doorway, holding a picnic basket in one hand and a checkered blanket in the other. He watched her eyes latch onto his gem, and her face turned from forced cheerfulness to shock. The picnic basket thudded to the floor.

“Oh my…” Connie rushed up the stairs. “It’s back!” She laughed, and her eyes welled up with tears. “Steven, you’re whole again!”

“I guess I am,” he said. Connie tackled him in a hug, knocking him back onto the bed. The two laugh-cried together, filled with the same mixture of relief and joy.

After a moment, Connie rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. “Does that mean that your mom…?” She didn’t need to finish the question.

He nodded slowly. “I didn’t think…” He didn’t need to decide what to say next, because they were interrupted by the creak of the screen door. As they sat up, Greg and the crystal gems filed inside. 

“...have worked,” Greg was saying in a hushed voice. “We might not want to-” he caught sight of Steven, awake and listening, and ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Good morning, Steven,” he said. “Do you…” Steven lifted up the hem of his shirt, grinning. 

“I’m back,” he said. Smiles broke out across the faces below him, exclamations of excitement and maybe just a touch of sadness. He bounded down the steps to them, jumping the last few and finding he floated gently to the ground. He was quickly surrounded as everyone pressed in to see his gem. He summoned a bubble to exclamations of delight. Garnet and Amethyst and Pearl buried him in hugs and thank-goodnesses and we’re-so-happy-for-yous. After a few minutes of celebration, the chatter died down, and Steven looked up at the crystal gems. 

“She’s gone, isn’t she?” he asked. Pearl turned away and bit back a sob, and Amethyst put a hand on her arm. Garnet nodded solemnly.

“She is.” she said.

“I thought so.” Steven looked down at the ground. 

“She left this for you.” Steven felt a hand on his shoulder. Greg was holding out a tape. “She told me not to give it to you until she was...until it was over.”

The tape was plain black except for a note taped to the front. “For Steven” was written on it in cursive. The others followed behind as Steven went back up the stairs and slipped the tape into the slot. There was a moment of static, and then it began to play.

Pink stood on the beach, waves gently crashing behind her. She looked directly into the camera, and her eyes were already shining with tears.

“Hello, Steven,” she said. Her voice was so familiar, now. He realized hollowly that he would never hear it in person again.

“These last couple of months with you have been...amazing. That’s the only way I can describe it. Being able to know you, spend time with you, and just see who you’ve become…” A tear slipped down her cheek. “It’s a privilege I never thought I’d get.” For a moment she glanced into the distance, and Steven realized he could make out the silhouettes of Connie and himself further down, almost out of sight. Another tear escaped, but she wiped her eyes and turned back to the camera.

“But all good things must come to an end, eventually. Steven, I’m leaving again, and this time I won’t be back.” She glanced down at her gem, the same gem that was now planted firmly in his stomach. “When I left last time, there were some things that were unfinished. I still had reasons to stay, and I think that’s why I couldn’t disappear completely. I think that’s why I was able to come back.

“But this time, I know that I am ready. Nothing is perfect, but I think-” another glance at Steven’s silhouette, “-I think this is as good as it can be. I think I’ve done all I could, and now it’s time to pass that chance on to you.” She looked intently into the camera, eyes wide and filled with sorrow. “Don’t be too sad, okay? I know you’ll miss me. But sometimes good things only end so they can make way for new things; better ones. And Steven, I know that you’re going to be so much better than I ever was, because you already are, even now. I love you, Steven. I love you so much. Never forget that.”

She pressed two fingers to her lips, kissed them, and gently touched the lens of the camera. The lens went dark, and there was a click as the tape stopped playing and the screen turned to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, y’all. I was thinking about this one night at like 2am and the ideas wouldn’t stop coming, so eventually I was like damn, I gotta write it don’t I. 2 months later, here we are! Anyway I had a lot of fun with it, and I hope you enjoyed :). Constructive criticism is appreciated but if you’re gonna be an asshole go away. If you liked this concept please check out [Black_Bees_](https://www.instagram.com/black_bees_/) on instagram, they made this au and their art is amazing. Leave them a nice comment or something :)
> 
> Make sure to like and subscribe for more minecraft letsplays...goodbye gamers


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